Breathe
by SmoothFluffle
Summary: "Sometimes, i think that my mom was so pretty, that God wanted her with him, so he summoned her from earth and welcomed her on Heaven. " Tris Prior has been through a lot at her short age. Mom gone, life attempt gone wrong. Many things. Can she get her life back together again? Or is she far too gone to live? Language, mentions of sex, and Zeke and Uriah Pedrad.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: please enjoy my very first work! review and tell me what you think.**

_Noise._

That's the first thing on my mind. I open my eyes and the first thing i see is black. No, gray, furry, like a carpet. _¿what is that? _A ceiling, my mind says, _a car ceiling._

So much time has passed since the last time i was on a car, i can't even remember what its ceiling looks like.

"She's alive!" says a voice. _Someone is here._ _If you are in a car, and you are not driving, obviously there's got to be someone here, dumbass. _

And it begins, my innocent, sweet mind versus my snarky, sarcastic, resentful and self-destructing little voice. She's in my head too, if you were wondering.

All is in my head. Everything is in my head. As usual. Or at least that's what everyone keeps telling me. Dr. Wu, the nurses, Jeanine, my dad. _Dad. _I miss him, the real him, not the one that asked me if i was okay every 2 minutes. Not the one that kept my body full of pills. Not the one that locked himself in his office all day, just to come out at night, to see if i had taken my "feel better" pill. Not the one that sent me away. And certainly, not the one that thought his daughter was crazy. _I am not crazy. I am NOT crazy. No. _

_Breathe. In. Out. 1. 2_

_Okay. I'm okay._

"Beatrice?" Right, someone is here. _Caleb. CALEB!_

"Caleb, hi" _That's my voice? Gross._

I sit up, and look at him. Really look at him. It has been 2 years. Almost three.

He's the same. Dark hair, large green eyes, hooked nose, _like dad's,_ kind smile. I missed him too.

"Well, say something. ¿How do I look? ¿How do you feel?" he says.

"Dear brother, you look the same as you did the last time i saw you"

"Seriously?" he says, making a face. "¿i didn't get handsomer? Better looking, stronger, older, _gorgeous_? Honestly, i think your sight has stayed at the clinic. We better go get it back, Bea!"

i know he's trying to make me feel at ease. He's succeding.

"Ha, ha. Funny, I didn't remember you ever being handsome, maybe you where the one that needed mental help. And maybe an ophthalmologist too, because if you saw yourself in the mirror, and thought _that_ was handsome, you really have it bad." I said, laughing.

"Well, good thing you are well enough for the two of us. Seriously though, how are you?" he said, with seriousness in his voice. Well, there goes my ease.

"Umm, I feel fine, weird, awkward, but fine." I did feel awkward, but that was me now. And I did feel fine. Better than i had felt in all the 2 years away.

"That's great, i feel very happy that you are back Beatrice, finally i get to see you again. I wanted to visit, i really did, but-"

"i know, i know. Visits for me where prohibited. I had to get better. I understand Caleb. I don't hold grunges against anyone." 1. That was a lie. I did felt hurt; I didn't understand why my family and friends didn't come to see me. But i got over it, because Dr. Wu told me that isolation was better for me in the process of getting healed. Of forgiving. 2. That was a lie as well. I did hold grudges. But not against him. Against daddy dearest, I did. "I'm just really happy that I can spend all this months at home with you while you are here."

"Errr, about that-"he started guiltily.

"What." I almost barked at him. I do not want surprises.

"I tried to stay longer, but the university is having a major exposition about science. It's like a science fair, but bigger, and they need me. Professor David said that I couldn't miss it; if I did he would fail me. I can't fail Bea! It would ruin me."He said in a rush.

I understand. Caleb has always been the intelligent and science-neurotic in the family. He was always talking about this new invent that he was doing at school, even when he was in elementary. His volcano was the only one that erupted. He has gotten straight A's ever since.

He's always talking about school. He goes to Erudite Faction. A university just for the ultra-intelligent people. The new Scientifics work in there. They have the latest electronic devices used to create new things that supposedly are going to change human life. I guess it does sounds very intellectual for some people but to me it just boring.

"So I'm going to be alone?" Welcome home Tris, party for one!

"¡Of course not! I'm saying that i tried to stay longer, so that means that i am going to stay, but just for 2 weeks. I'm sorry baby sister, but there's nothing i can do. Besides there's Dad and Jeanine. ¡And Christina! Who is dying to see you, ¡and all of your friends!" he says.

Fun! Andrew Prior and the skank are going to be all over me when Caleb is gone.

But I have to admit, I miss my friends. Christina, the perks of your best friend being your neighbor comes handy at these moments. Then there are the Pedrad brothers. Zeke and Uriah. I miss those goofs. I longed to hear the stupid jokes they used to tell me, when I was at the clinic. Will's advices and laughter. Then there is Mar and Shauna. I miss the comfort the girls gived me when I was around them. And Lynn's sarcasm.

Then there is _him. _

Tobias.

_Sigh._

There are a lot of feelings with Tobias. I miss him, more than anyone. He was the one i used to tell everything, how i felt, my worries. And he was there to listen. And to comfort me. _I miss him._

Of course the last six months before i went away i didn't tell him anything. I just couldn't. i showed at his apartment at every hour i wanted and made him have sex with me because that was the only thing that made me feel close to him. I couldn't talk to him. I wanted, but i couldn't. i shut him out. I didn't want to see anyone.

And i feel guilty. Because i shut everyone out. They wanted to help me. And i didn't let them. I just used Tobias. I didn't even answered my friends calls. I didn't let anyone in my room for months. I had to be alone. I had to think. But i couldn't. Because every time i closed my eyes i kept seeing _her_. Talking to me. Or just staring at me. Or i saw her like the last time i laid my eyes on her physical form.

Lifeless. Bloody. Cold. Dead.

In the tub. With her wrist cut open and blood coming out. The water red like her lips. Her eyes dead and cold like her skin, turning slightly blue. Her hair wet and loose, floating in the water. And the razor blade, dripping with her blood, on the floor, looking innocent like i once saw the woman in the bloody water.

I remember walking in the bathroom and just staring at her, thinking ¿what have you done? ¿WHY?. I remember screaming, but i couldn't recognize the owner of the screams, Dr. Wu later told me that i was the one screaming. Tori, Tori. Now i can call her by her name. She said i could see her like a friend but i doubt many people call their psychiatrists to have a drink or to go shopping.

Anyway, once Jeanine heard my screams she entered the bathroom and started screaming as well (if the situation was another one i would have started laughing at the screaming match). Then Dad entered the room and just stood there, looking at the tub in shock, but then reacted, and ordered Jeanine to get me out of there. That was the last time i saw my mother.

Of course later i saw her getting wheeled out of the house by the paramedics, but i didn't saw her face. Just her pale arms. Her wrist still gushing blood out.

And then i saw her coffin getting lower and lower in the dirt. I couldn't stand to be at her funeral. I didn't want people touching me or seeing me, i didn't want them asking me if i was okay when i obviously wasn't. So i stayed in my room. Tobias and Christina often came and nocked at my door, asking me to let them in. But i couldn't. And i didn't.

Then my life came tumbling down.

I had gotten drunk before, with my friends, but that was for fun and at parties.

Back then i got drunk to forget and alone. That was usually the times i went to Tobias'. Then i got up before dawn and i leaved him alone. Without a note. Then i wouldn't answer his calls, or texts. And he respected that i didn't want him coming to my house. He respected my grief and my need for him. He put himself at my need and want. He let himself be used by me.

He really is a nice guy. I don't deserve him. For all i put him through. I hope he has forgiven me for all the times i didn't make it to his apartment and ended up at some stranger's house.

_I really don't deserve him. I love him. I hope he forgives me._

Then, of course was the night everything went to hell.

My life, my relationship, my freedom and my mind.

I just have flashbacks of that night. I remember feeling so tired. So, so tired. Of everything. Of my dad's coldness and ignorance towards me. Of Jeanine's fake (or really not, but i didn't want to love her after all my mom confessed me Jeanine did with my father) loving words. Of Caleb's absence. Of Tobias selfless behavior. Of my friends constant worriness. Of all the amount of anti-depressing pills that went down my throat every night. But most of all, i felt tired of my mom's constant face in my head. I felt sad aswell. I just felt overwhelmed with all the emotions. And i just remember missing my mom so much. _Wouldn't it be better to just be with her and let all the suffering go away? _That inner voice told me.

And so i did. I let everything go away.

That night i filled my parent's tub with as much water as it could hold and got in it. Because i wanted to drown my emotions. I graved a razor blade and slashed it across my wrist over and over and over. Until the water turned crimson red. _Just like my mommy's._

Then i remember feeling like i floated, _it feels so good. Maybe that is why mommy did it. __Yes. _

Then i heard screams (Again. Fucking again).

Then i just saw lights, and bits of my father's face looking very concerned and telling me why. _Oh, Beatrice, why. Why did you do it. Well, maybe if you didn't fuck the house keeper then maybe mom wouldn't have killed herself and neither would have i._

Then i remember cold. Cold, cold, cold. I was outside. It was a chilly night. That kind of night that when you, like me, are not wearing a bra, you can see your nipples against your shirt. And it was kind of embarrassing because my dad was leading me towards an ambulance and i just remember thinking oh no, that guy is going to see my nipples.

Then i remember looking around and found myself staring in Tobias' eyes. His handsome face scrunching up, like when you taste something bitter. I guess if you see your girlfriend being put in an ambulance it would not be a pretty sight. His eyes staring a hole in the clothes around my wrist, hiding my mutilated skin. _Just like my mommy's._

Then i remember staring at the horrified faces of my friends.

Then black.

_Black._

_Black._

_Oh no._

_Again._

_Black._

_Breathe._

_Breathe. In. Out. 1. 2_

_Okay. I'm okay_

Then i saw a face. One i did not reconigze.

"_i'm Tori. Dr. Tori Wu. I will be here with you Beatrice. It will be okay. Okay, you are okay."_

"_Please, call me Tris"_

_Black._

"¿Tris?" i heard Caleb say. Wow! Talk about spacing out.

"We are here" he said.

I look out of the window. Indeed, we are here.

Where it all started.

Where Natalie Prior was found dead in her bathroom.

Where a new Andrew Prior was born, in the same bathroom.

Where my brother Caleb entered and all he saw was a broken family.

And where i, Beatrice Prior, tried to kill myself, in the same bathroom.

The Prior Mansion.

**AN: hello! My name is Ailin. And this is my first time ever, writing something. I found inspiration today when i saw Liz Gillies' movie Killing Daddy (it's really good) and then like 5 hours later this was born. I hope it's kinda good. And excuse my writing, as i said this is my first time writing something and english is not my maternal lenguage.**

**Please review and tell me what you think.**


	2. Welcome Back

**AN at the bottom!**

I look around as we pass the gate.

I forgot that winter was coming, and as a result of it, there is snow covering what used to be dirt and grass.

My neighborhood is for rich people. I will simply put it like that. My dad has worked his ass off during his entire career to give just the best to his family. _Comfort _he said. Well, i did enjoy not having to worry of how much my shoes coasted, or how much money my credit card had. It was comfortable.

When you look at the houses the only thing that you could think or say was _wow._

Every house has a wide space between each other, and they literally have a small forest surrounding the house. My house has a large driveway, a long line full of trees on the side on the way to the front of the house; you kind of have a small tour while you get to the door.

The trees look even better covered in thick snow, it reminds me of Alice in Wonderland, when they painted the roses red, but now it looks like they painted the trees with white. It looks beautiful, homey, _comforting._

And when you get to the front door, it's a lot of _wow._

My house is a 2 story mansion, with wide windows and large, tall pillars, supporting the structure of it. White fancy walls with a shiny, mahogany door, making the mansion look baronial. _Beautiful._

I step out of the car and look around, my eyes landing on another white house, that stands far enough for me to see just the top of it, but not so far that i only _see_ _white walls. _That house belongs to Christina, my best friend Christina, or at least the best friend i left a few years ago. Maybe she has another best friend or maybe she moved out, and that house that i grew to love belongs to a stranger, and i will never get to see the spacious inside of it. _I hope not. Maybe she just hated you and new you would eventually get back and didn't want to see your friend-ignoring self. I hope not._

I look back at the house i was born into. So many memories…..

"Why don't you get inside? I'll get your bags; you go and get familiarized with the house. Be friends again, Bea!" Caleb says entuciastally.

I didn't get time to respond because the moment i opened my mouth a scream was heard and a face appeared on the window. _Jeanine. _

"OH MY GOD! Tris! You are back!" her voice still sounded even when she disappeared behind the walls to get to the door. The door was thrown open and she came running towards me, well, more like skipping towards me.

"Oh darling, look at you. You look beautiful! Your hair is longer, you gained weight! Trissy!" she squealed, hugging me. Hey! I_ gained weight? Is she calling me fat?!_

"Hey Jeanine." I said awkwardly, returning the hug. She took care of me since i was little, she practically raised me! I did miss her. _But you know…_

She took my face in her hands and just stared at me. I guess she was checking if my eyes didn't scream crazy. _Not crazy. _Then her eyes started to swim with tears. _Oh for Christ sake, do not cry!_

"My little girl. I'm so happy you are back!" she said tearfully.

"Oh, Jeanine! Please do not cry." I said kind of whining. I heard Caleb laughing somewhere behind me. _The bastard._

"You are right. Oh! Do not mind me, sweetie, this is a happy day! You are back and i have no reason to cry. Come inside! See your house! I will cook you something special. What do you want? Pizza? Cake? _Dauntless Cake?_" she said. Damnit. She had me there.

I guess she could see the hungry look in my eyes the moment she said dauntless cake because she got this enormously grin in her face and starting nodding to me.

"I guess Dauntless Cake would not be so bad" i said.

"Okay! I will begin to make it right this moment." She said entering the house with me in her arms. "Well, i will be in the kitchen, why don't you go to your room and make yourself at home, unpack your things and relax. When you are ready to come down i will be expecting you with a huge slice of that cake of yours." She said, turning around to go in the kitchen.

"Jeanine, where is dad?" i asked her carefully.

"Oh. Your dad couldn't get home to receive you, beautiful, but he will be back around lunch or dinner." She said sadly. Figures he would be too busy to see me get back.

"Okay. I will be in my room." I said shortly.

"I'll take your bags, Bea." Said Caleb.

I nodded and smiled at Jeanine while I and Caleb started to walk upstairs. She smiled back at me and went to do the cake.

The second floor of my house had all the bedrooms. My Dad's was the first door to the left, spacious and with a huge in-door bathroom so big it could hold 50 people inside. _The bathroom. Note to self: avoid that bathroom until i feel comfortable enough in here._ Then there was a space, and there was the "relaxing room". Mom used that room a lot. _Other note to self: avoid that room too. Or explore. But first avoid._

Then another space and there was Caleb's old room. Or just Caleb's room. I mean, it was still his, even though he lived in an apartment close to his university. But at times like this he would be back and stay with us, so that was his room.

Then there where guest rooms. Spacious as well. Like three of them. One of those rooms was reserved for Grams when she came to visit. I should call her. Tell her i am back. _Later._

Then at the end, there it was. My bedroom. My own personal relaxing room. My cave.

I stood a good minute just staring at it with Caleb staring weirdly at me. Then i opened the door.

It was _clean._ That was the first thing i observed. Nothing like the mess i lived in 6 months previous to my departure. It smelled of vanilla and hazelnut. My candles! Jeanine must have light them on. I look at my vanity table and sure, there they are. My pictures are standing there too, in their photo frame. I go and look at them, while Caleb drops the bags on my bed.

There is one of Caleb and i, when we were little. I smile, and look at it. I was like, 6 and he was 8. He was holding me by the waist while i tried to get away. We were dressed in winter clothes. I notice that snow is covering the ground in the photo. _Winter._ We are laughing, smiling, _happy._

The next one is of Jeanine and i, she was braiding my hair and smiling at me. I had a pout on my lips. _Haha. _I remember this day. Christina had invited me to her pool and i wanted to wear my _purple_ bikini. But no, it had to be the blue one because the other was dirty.

The next one is of me and Tobias. We aren't looking at the camera. We are focused on getting cake in each other's face. He is holding me with a hand on my lower back and my legs are wrapped around his waist. We have a face full of Dauntless Cake. We are laughing. _Happy. _I think we were 15, we weren't together then. But we were getting there. Or that is what Christina said back then. She was not wrong. Like 2 months later he asked me out and i said yes.

The other pictures are of me and my friends, me alone, or me and Caleb. Just 2 with Dad. But i notice something.

_None with her._

Right, i broke all my photos with her, because i didn't want to see her face anymore. But i did see her, in my mind. Dead.

_Hey, breathe._

_Right._

I look around and see Caleb looking at the photos with a smile before locking eyes with me.

"I'm really happy you are back, baby sister" he says softly with a smile.

"I'm really happy to be back too." I say. He smiles tearfully at me and wraps his arms around me. I breathe him in; his scent was always comforting to me. Of lemon and perfume. I love his smell.

"I'm going downstairs to see if Jeanine needs help with anything, yeah?" he says against my hair. He unwraps his arms from me and kisses my forehead.

"I love you, Baby Bea." He whispers to me, before smiling and leaving my room.

"I love you too" i whisper to myself, because i know he can't hear me anymore.

I look around the room again. _Where to start. _My clothes, right. I open my suitcase and start getting my clothes out, folding them and putting them on a pile beside my bag. I finish my first suitcase and put it down the floor. _I need to put it on the top shelf of the closet, then my first drawer is for my underwear, the second one, let's put jeans in there-._

_Riiing. _

The phone rings. Eh, Jeanine will probably get it. I guess i'm right because it stops ringing.

I grab the first pile of clothes, jeans. _Second drawer._

"BEATRICE?" i hear Jeanine scream.

"WHAT?" i scream back. Mmm, so long since i screamed. My throat feels achy.

"Answer the phone dear, it's for you!" i hear her say.

_For me? Who the hell is it? Nobody knows I'm back yet. Right?_

"Hello?" i say into the phone.

"Beatrice, darling" the man says. I know that voice.

"_Dad?"_

**AN: DUN, DUN, DUN. Soo, how was that?! Thank you all who reviewed my story.**

**For the person who asked why my ¿¡, I DON'T KNOW! I keep writing and my computer just marks my sentence as wrong and i don't know what the hell does it wants. It doesn't even give me a suggestion. So it only went away if i put those things in there. Sorry if it looks extrange! Now, everybody is going to be the same age in this story. Except Caleb, he's the only one that is 2 years older.**

**So Tris is about to turn 20. She went to the clinic when she was in her mid- 17's.**

**Everybody else is already 20 or about to turn 20 as well.**

**Also, Tris is not crazy guys. She just has like flash backs, of when she **_**was**_** kind of crazy. When she starts talking to herself, like "Breathe, 1, 2" and all that, it's like her coping mechanism, she learned that from Tori. **


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: HEEEEEYYYY! I hope everybody had a great Christmas and had lots and lots of food. I know i did. Thank you all that reviewed and favorited/followed this story. On with it!**

**Please read the AN at the bottom. ****Happy reading.**

"_Dad?"_

"Yes honey, it's me." He said. "I just called to hear your voice, you know, to hear that you arrived safely to the house."

"Uhh, yes Dad, everything is fine; I'm actually unpacking right now." I said.

"Oh! That's good to hear, dear. " he said.

…_.._

_Silence._

"So, uh, how was the ride back home?" My dad asked.

"i cannot tell you because i fell asleep as soon as me and Caleb got in the car" i said.

"Hahaha! Same as always, Bumble Bea." He said, with his roaring laugh. "You know i really missed you sweetie."

"oh, uh, i really missed you too, Dad." I said.

"Well,-" he said clearing his throat, "i have to get back to work, but i believe that i should be done in a few hours, so I'll see you at dinner, Dear."

"Uh, sure Daddy. I wouldn't want to keep you from doing your job." I said.

"Of course you don't. Well, I'm really glad to hear that both of my children made it safely back home. I'll see you at dinner, Bumble Bea." He said.

"Yes, Dad. Bye." I said hanging up.

Well, that was an interesting phone call. I don't know how to feel about it. One side of me is just dying to run back and hug my daddy once he arrives home, i did miss him, but the other side of me can't forget that he cheated on my mom, couldn't handle her death and ignored me for 6 months and that it took a suicide attempt for him to notice i was in grieve too, to notice i was _hurting _just as bad as him. Also i cannot forget that he sent me away, i know that i needed help, but sending me to frontier of the city didn't help. I needed my dad and he wasn't there.

_What to do, what to do, Trissy._

I decide to leave those thoughts alone for a while, i mean, he _is _coming back until dinner, and get back to unpacking.

_Man, how much crap do i have? God! Why did i had so much stuff with me! __DAMNIT!_

Once i unpacked all of my shit, like finally _all of it_, i decide to go downstairs and see what those two are doing. _Probably talking about the last episode of Grey's Anatomy or something._

I walk downstairs and look at the clock hanging on the wall. _12:46. Seriously? _I thought i had been a day up there.

"Yeah, i just remember you running around with that microscope and trying to put anything in it to see it. You even tried to grab a dead grasshopper!" Jeanine said laughing. _So no Grey's Anatomy. They are opening the childhood chest._

"Hey, Bea! We were just remembering our favorite Christmas toys, mine was that blue microscope that Dad got me, remember?" Caleb said.

"How could i forget the when you were the most annoying! Thank god that thing broke before you tried to put a squirrel in it!" i said.

"Tris! I have your cake in the fridge, waiting for you. Did you unpack everything? Did you settle in?" Jeanine said, while taking my cake slice from the fridge. _Dauntless cake. Yummy._

"Yes, everything is unpacked. I wanted to ask you though, both of you; do i still have a phone? I don't remember leaving it somewhere before i left, so i don't even know if my phone still exists" i said.

"Oh! Yes, dear. It's in your father's office. I found it while i was cleaning your room like a year ago. Your dad put in there, but i don't know if it has any battery, or if it works, after all, it has been almost three years." Jeanine said, the last part with a bit of remorse. _Believe me when i say i know how much time has passed._

"Well, I'll check it later. Now, where were we?" i said.

"We were in the part when i give you your favorite food in the world" she said happily.

"And then you devour it like the animal you are" Caleb said.

"Caleb! Leave your sister alone, besides she can eat all she wants and she never gets fat, so she doesn't have to worry about anything. You can have the entire thing if you want, dear!" Jeanine said.

"Unlike you, that you have to go to the gym to prevent yourself from getting fat. But i think you skipped a few days because i can see a few back rolls in there brother" i said laughing and stuffing my face with dauntless cake. _One of my many talents, speaking, laughing and eating at the same time. _

"BACK ROLLS?" Caleb said making a face.

"Children, play nice. Beatrice, what did you father say, dear? If you don't mind me asking" Jeanine said.

"Umm, he wanted to check that we got here safe and that i was settling in, and that he will see us at dinner" i said.

"Yes, your Dad was really sad that he couldn't make it here on time. All he talked about all week was about you coming home, he's really excited that your back." Jeanine said.

"Yeah, i know."

I still haven't decided how to feel about Jeanine either. How do you threat the woman who saw you grow up and raised you while she sleeps with your father? _Somebody should write a book about it. I could use one right now._

_I need someone to voice my thoughts to._

_Or something…_

"I think I'm going to check that phone of mines, yeah?" i said getting up from the table.

"Yes, dear. Do what you have to do, just call me if you need anything," Jeanine says.

"Okay" i say simply. Smiling at Caleb i turn around and go to my father's office.

I open the heavy door and find myself squinting my eyes.

_Wow._

Even at noon, this room is dark enough to make the furniture in it just outlinings in my view.

_Jesus, where are the lights here?_

I touch the wall while patting it, hoping to find the interrupter before my eyes explode out of their sockets.

_Aha!_

I push the thing and the room explodes with light, making it clear to my eyes.

My dad's office is everything a lawyer's office should be. Large, with a huge desk with tons of drawers to keep a bunch of papers, floor to ceiling book shelves, a chandelier hanging right on top of the desk for late night investigations and a corner table containing a variety of alcohol to relieve the stress. _I could use some whisky right now…. Better not._

I sit in my dad's chair with a little _ah_ escaping from my lips. This chair is awesome; i need one for my room. I open the first drawer of the desk and i see _gasp! _Papers! Didn't see that coming! I take a grab the first file and read it. This case was about a drunk guy getting into some fight and the police arresting him, then punching the police man in the face and running. _Hahah, funny._i read some more cases and decide that my dad's job bores me. _Definetly not going to law school. Sorry dad. _

I open the second drawer and see more papers, but less than the first one, i stick my hand further but i only feel papers. _No phone. Next. _I open the third drawer and see more papers. _Ugh! Can't he leave his work in his office? Well, this is his office, but he doesn't work here, so..._

I open the fourth drawer and finally stop seeing papers. There are some keys, a few pencils and a box. I open it and find a gun. _Why would Andrew Prior need a gun? Has something happened here that I'm not aware of? Maybe is just protection. _I still find it weird though. I close the box and put it back inside the drawer, not before noticing something at the bottom of it. _Hello, Tris' phone. _I put the box inside and grab my iPhone.

I press the button and wait to see if it turns on. It doesn't. i have to find its charger. _Damn, when was the last time i used that thing and where did i left it?!_

I stand up and leave my dad's office. I go upstairs and into my room. _Let's find that charger._

I look into my vanity table's drawers and find make up, brushes, nail polish, a small mirror and … condoms.

I laugh.

_It has been so long since i had sex. And good sex for that matter. T__he last time being with Tobias._

_I miss him. God i miss him so much._

I wonder how he is doing. Is he good? Does he even live here anymore? Did he meet anyone? Have i been replaced? _God i hope not._

What we had was great, everything i could want for the rest of my life.

We were each other's best friend, we told everything to each other, we had mind blowing sex, we had the same friends, etc. he is everything i could have wanted. _Everything i still want._

_God, I'm so selfish for wanting this, but i hope he hasn't met anyone. I hope he hasn't stopped thinking about me like i never did._

_DING_

I hear the doorbell ring.

Who could be at the door? _Well it's not like you've lived here for the last three years. Jeanine could have moved on from your dad and she might have gotten herself a new boyfriend!_

Suddenly i hear footsteps outside the hallway, then a knock at my door and then a person comes into the room.

_Christina._

She looks… different. Her dark hair is now a little past her shoulders, curling a bit in the ends, she looks curvier, if that's possible, like when a person gains a few pounds and then loses them but gets curvy, her dark skin still looking creamy, but that's not what's different.

Her eyes are.

Her eyes swim with different emotions: sadness, anger, love, disbelieve, fear, anxiety and hope.

"Well, are you going to stand there gaping me like a gold fish or are you going to hug me?" she snaps at me, at the same time her eyes star to swim with tears.

I now realize that my mouth is hanging open, _like a gold fish,_ and that my eyes are as big as her ass. _Huge._

I run to her and almost nock her down in the process to wrap my arms around her.

"God, Christina" i sob in her shoulder. _I missed my best friend._

She hugs me hard and starts crying hard as well.

"I missed you so much. I thought i would never see you again" she cried against my ear. She untangles herself from me and holds me at arm's length. "God, look at you, you look amazing."

"I know" i said, whipping my nose with my hand.

"Glad to know you didn't lose the sass" she says laughing. She looks me over and then just stares at me. Then she smiles. Then she stops smiling.

Then she smacks me. Hard.

"Jesus, Tis! You have any idea what you put me through? When i saw you getting out with your arms all bloody and looking as disoriented as you looked that time we woke up at the lake after Uriah's 17 party i knew you had gone to the extreme! Do you know how you made me feel those months before you did what you know you did? I felt like the worst best friend ever! What kind of best friend can't be help her best friend at a time like that!" she shouts at me.

I can't keep up with her ranting because _she smacked me. She fucking smacked me!_

"CHRISTINA!" i shout at her cupping my pulsing cheek.

"Oh, get over yourself! You used to take more beatings from Lynn! Besides that is not the point! How could you do this to yourself?" she said.

"I don't know, Christina. I just, i don't know." I said, sitting down the bed.

"Well, who does know! Tell me, because i want to know." She said sitting down the bed and facing me.

"I don't know! Okay, i just had to end my pain. I couldn't handle all that was happening around me. I couldn't see-, _her_ face all the time. I couldn't." i said. _Hey? Breathe._

"But that is where i come in, Tris! I was your best friend! I was supposed to take care of you and help you out. But you didn't let me in." She said, her voice cracking at the last part.

"…. Was?" i ask.

_Sniff. Sniff. _"What? What was what?" she asks.

"You said you where my best friend. So…. We.. are… not best friends anymore?" i ask carefully.

She just stares at me and for a second i want to put my arms around my face because I'm almost sure she's going to smack me again but then she laughs. _She laughs._

"What?" i ask confused. _Where's the joke in that?_

"Oh, Trissy bear. You can be so dumb sometimes." She says, coming down from her high.

"Dumb?" i repeat.

"Yes. Of course we are still best friends!" she exclaims throwing her arms up. "But, i want you to understand that i never want you to feel that you can't rely on me. I'm here all the time for you, yes?" she says

"Yes." I say.

She wraps her arms around me and kisses my hair.

"Sisters for life, okay?"

"Okay."

**AN: i couldn't resist to put that at the end. I love the TFIOS. Also, i know a lot of you wanted the "gang" to not talk to Tris, but i couldn't separate Christina and Tris! I love their friendship. Also I'm sorry if the dialogue is very vague but it is 3 am and i am a bit drunk so my mind isn't working well. Also i did something with the numbers. 12:**_**46 **_**and the **_**fourth**_** drawer.**

**Prepare yourself to a lot of Fourtris next chapter because i finally introduce the famous lover boy. We have a twist in the chapter and a lot of hurt and flirt. Because you know, I'm so cliché and you know what chapter is next?**

_**4.**_


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Please read the AN at the bottom. Thanks for reading. This chapter is cliché af.**

Christina stayed a few hours after our reunion; she gave me a new charger for my phone.

"_i have like 6, that thing breaks as easily as you swallow happy pills. Sorry, too soon?"_

She told me all the gossip and things i missed while i was gone. She told me how Zeke and Shauna had a pregnancy scare and that everybody had been on edge because of it. I wish i had been here for Shauna, i know what it feels when you have a problem and you feel like you are drowning, i could have helped her. But the past is in the past…

Also she told me everything that Tobias had done, if he had dated anyone and stuff like that. _Juicy gossip._ And to my surprise (not really, i mean, he _does_ look like a Greek god.) he _did_ had something to do with someone, but not for long because she was a skank and Tobias realized how much of a bitch she was. Her name is Nita and let's say i had met her before. She was one of many girls that were after Tobias but i knew they didn't stand a chance to me, he made sure to tell me that every time and i felt confident about it. _I can only imagine all the shit that went to her head once he looked at her. Good god thank you for letting me be back, i promise i will start running things like they used to once i get back on track._

Christina said that their _fling_ was a physical thing, that it was obvious that it was a rebound for him. _But still, he laid his hands on another girl's body. And on Nita of all people!_

Chrissy prissy also said that she acted like she ran the gang and that she tried to give orders to the girls, because as i said before, she is a skank and she doesn't get on the boys bad side. I reminded Christina who's the boss here.

"_No. I run this gang." I said pointing to myself_

She laughed and said that i better remind everybody that i am queen of everything_. Which i am, and i will remind everyone who is the original princess of Chicago._

After she left i went back to my room and saw my phone was fully charged. I had a bunch of stuff there, i decided that i liked my phone and that i wouldn't change it. I had photos of my precious baby angels (Uriah, Zeke, Will and Tobias. My dogs) and of my plastics (the girls) in our happier moments. Also i have my music.

I was listening Shoot to Thrill when my door opened. _Oh. How long was Christina here?_

"Hey!" i said waving.

"Honey, it is so good to see you. You look awesome!" my dad said while patting my cheeks. _He just made awesome sound totally not awesome._

"Thanks daddy. Is it dinner time already?" i asked

"Almost, yes. Did you eat? Remember you have to eat all of your foods and that skipping lunch is very bad. Yeah? So did you eat?" he said. _Shit. I didn't have lunch. _My steak was resting untouched on my night table, i forgot to eat it while i was chatting with Christina.

"Eh, yeah. I did. It was delicious but Jeanine never disappoints so that isn't really a surprise." I lied.

"No, she never does. Caring woman she is isn't she?" he said. _I don't have any interest in discussing my possible next mom._

"Yeah, yeah. So listen, i was getting ready to go downstairs. I just have to use the bathroom. I'll meet you in the dining room, yes?" i said.

"Oh, of course Beatrice. No problem. Do your thing, honey. I'll see you in a moment." He said. "I love you, you know? I'm glad to have you back. And put that food in the fridge. Don't waste it" he said before closing the door.

_Busted._

I grabbed a hair brush and untangled my hair. I want to do something to it. To feel Tris again.

I went downstairs and found everyone already seated.

"Hello, dear. How was your reunion with Christina?" asked Jeanine.

"It went really well. It was good to see her. I missed her." I said.

"I'm glad to hear that you are already fitting back in. but we have to talk about that plate full of food upstairs" said my dad pointing his fork to me.

"Uh, i was going to eat it but i got carried up talking with Christina and forgot it was even there. "i said.

"Beatrice! You didn't eat?" said a gasping Jeanine. _Reactions are Jeanine's thing._

"Bea, you have to eat. Didn't you feel your stomach rumbling?" said Caleb.

"It's for your wellbeing, baby. Remember that you have to be okay, and not eating it's a bad road to it." My dad said. _God not the fucking talk._

"You told me you would eat it, darling. Are you feeling okay?" Jeanine asked.

"Yes, Jeanine. I'm okay. I did wanted to eat it but i _forgot._ Okay? You sometimes forget to eat when you are working." I said the last part to my dad.

"Yes, Beatrice. But i was not at the bridge of anorexia." My dad said

"Andrew!" gasped Jeanine. _Gasp! _

"I'm eating! Okay? Look!" i said, stuffing a spoonful of mashed potatoes in my mouth. "I do get hungry, okay? I do feel. This time i do feel when my body asks for food, Dad. And i know you are concerned for me, but i am not going back. I am not going back to self-depravation. And i am not going back to being unstable. I'm okay. Really. I'm okay." I said. _I'm fucking okay._

Everybody was quiet after that.

"Well, i think that if you believe in yourself; if you believe that you are okay, then you are okay." Said Caleb. _Super brother to my rescue._

"i am." I said looking at my Dad "I am."

"Well, that went well." Sarcastically said Caleb.

"Yeah. Best dinner ever."

After a very awkward dinner, me and Caleb came back to my room. He and Jeanine tried to save the evening but unfortunately the atmosphere between my dad and i was tense. So no good dinner.

"You have to understand that he is worried about you. He only wants you to be okay." Caleb said with a concerned look.

"i know that Caleb, but it gets annoying trying to prove yourself to Dad. He's tiring." I said laying down on the bed.

"I know, sweet baby Bea" he said cuddling me on the bed. "But you have to eat or Caleb bear will come and tickle you until you burst" he said in a baby voice. _What the fuck._

"Caleb, you are fucking crazy." I said laughing.

"Shut up, you know you love me." He said smiling smuggly. "Say i'm the best brother ever"

"What? No."

"Say it."

"It."

"This is your last time baby Bea, say I'm the best brother ever"

I just closed my eyes with a smile on my face.

Next thing i know my ribs hurt.

_He's tickling me._

_Caleb is tickling me._

_What the fuck!_

"Stop! Caleb" i said screaming.

"SAY IT!" he said while he tickled me viciously

"YOU ARE THE BEST FUCKING BROTHER EVER!" i screamed at the top of my lungs.

Suddenly he stopped and sat up in the bed.

"was that so hard?" he said simply

"You know, i really hate you sometimes."

**Tobias' POV**

I got out of my car and started walking the long path to the door. I needed time to think.

_What am i going to tell her?_

_Will she be okay?_

_Is she going to ignore me? Or will she act like nothing ever happened?_

_Will she even be awake? I mean, it's like 8 o'clock._

_But-_

_Wait._

I stopped dead in my tracks and stared at the figure between the trees. _What the actual fuck?_

I walked towards the girl with long blond ombre hair, dressed in white cotton short shorts, a dark blue sweater and brown ugg boots. _It's winter. Is she a polar bear and i am not aware of it? She's going to freeze!_

I saw smoke coming out in breaths. _That better be her breath and not what I'm thinking._

"You know" i said startling her. "If you die of hypothermia many people will be sad"

She stared at me for a few seconds, taking me in, and then she put the cigarette in her mouth and toke a long pull of it, the exhaled, never taking her eyes of mine.

"Will you miss me?" she asked

"I always miss you Tris."

"…. Good." She said with a little smirk.

I graped my fingers on her elbow, slowly sliding them until i touched the palm of her hand, then i took her cigarette and put it in my mouth. I took a long pull and exhaled.

Then i put it in between her pouty lips.

We both stood in silence looking at the snow for long minutes.

"How did you know i was back?" she finally asked. She still didn't look at me.

"I always know where you are"

"Don't smartass me, how did you know i was back?" she repeted, finally looking at me with _those _eyes.

"Fine, Christina might have called me and told me that your brother told her that you were back. I wanted to come and see if it was true." I said. _I had to see her._

She smiled and then went back to look at the snow covered ground.

"Are you okay?" i asked.

"God, not _you too" _she groaned.

"Okay! Are you _all right? How are you? Do you find yourself fine?" _

"Tobias, i find myself mighty fine" she said laughing. _God, so long since i heard it._

"It has been a while since i heard your laugh" i said smiling at her.

She smiled and looked at me with excitement swimming in her eyes. _ M__y fire ckracker._

"I'm okay now" she said.

"I'm glad, Doll"

She took another pull on her cigarette and dropped it on the snow.

"So, how are things now? I mean, with you. What have you done?" she asked me

"Well, i have more money now, Dad's company has leaved me a handful of shit to do but it pays my bills and more. I still live in the Montenegro building, i got a dog and i am not dating anyone" i said.

"Oh, i uhm, i wasn't interested in that, i just wanted to ask what you were up to, because, you know, i wasn't around, and i- yeah." She said lamely.

"Tris, i know you. I know you better than anyone and i know the first thing Christina told you about me was about Nita"

"Well, if it helps you sleep at night, then yes, i asked Christina about your dating life."

"Yes, well, it didn't last long. It was just-"

"Tobias, i do not want to hear about your dick buried in that whore's cunt. Talk to me about something else"

"Okay. Eh-"

"You said you got a dog." She said. I could literally see her annoyance with the Nita topic.

"Yes, he's a bulldog named Sir Charles."

"_Sir Charles?" _she asked with an incredulous face.

"Don't ask. Uriah was involved." I said as an explanation

"Of course he was. Speaking about the Monkey Man, how are the guys doing?" she asked

"They are doing fine, they uh, weren't happy when you left. Uriah and Christina took it the hardest. But they recovered, we went through a few things but we managed." I said.

I watched as her face took an unmistakable look of guilt, and could only imagine what was going through her mind. _It was kind of her fault. We didn't ask for her to try to drown herself. __Stop. No._

She shivered and then i remembered that we were in the middle of the snow and that she was barely covered. _That red nose must have said that she was cold. _I took off my leather jacket and put it on her shoulders.

"Thanks. I was beginning to think that my nipples were going to turn into rocks" she said while she put her arms through the jacket.

"Wouldn't be the first time i saw it"

"Wipe that cheeky smirk of your face" she said while trying to hide her own smile.

"Seriously though, those are like the latest sensibility sensors. With the minimum amount of heat or cold they turn into hulk."

"I would really appreciate if you stopped talking about my lady parts."

"I know everything about your lady parts. I could go on for hours, sugar." I said. _Got to love the teasing._

"Stop!" she said, hiding her face behind her hands.

"Why? Am i making you blush?" i said laughing.

"Seriously, i will leave." She said with as much seriousness her red tainted cheeks permitted her to show.

"Fine then. Go" i said.

"Fine." She said turning around and heading towards the house.

"Wow. Where is the Tris that could take a few poundings? Oh, pun in there" i teased her all the way to the steps of the door.

Just before she went all the way up i grabbed her arm. She turned around and stared at me confused. _With those eyes. Sweet Jesus she's going to be the death of me._

"Aren't you going to kiss me goodbye?" i asked with as much seriousness i could muster up.

She surprised me when she slide her fingers through mine and invaded my personal space.

"Of course, how rude of me." She whispered. She puckered her pouty red lips and put them so close to mine, almost brushing my lips with hers. Then she moved her mouth and rested her lips on the corner of mine. I swear my heart stopped. I couldn't breathe. And by the way her chest raised and fell against mine she couldn't either.

She stepped away from me and i saw that thing that drove me crazy all these years. _Mischief. _I also noted desire and fire dancing in her eyes.

"i look forward to seeing your handsome face around here, Sir Eaton." She said seriously.

"I'll see you later, Angel eyes".

**AN: There you have my cliché chapter 4th, updated January 4th with 4's POV.**

**I want to get this off my chest:**

**I know that this is my first story and that i should be grateful of the people who encourage this story (i am, thank you guys, you have no idea how much it means to me) but i seriously want to hear more of your thoughts on it. This story has 567 views and only 11 reviews, 11 followers and 5 favorites. It gets me down and i do not why, seriously please if you read my story i would really like to hear your thoughts about it. I don't know when i will publish the next chapter because i don't feel like writing it, really and i don't want to be like those authors that ask for reviews for the next chapter but it would be nice to see that you are not writing for 556 ghosts. Thank you again for all the people who have Reviewed/Favorited/Followed. I would really like to hear ideas for the next chapter. School starts in a month and my mom is going back to work this Wednesday so I'll have time to write, hopefully. **

**Thank you babies:***


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Hello! I am so sorry i took forever to update but i didn't have any inspiration. I still don't have so these next chapters will be just flashbacks, previous to Tris' return, until inspiration hits me. It will contain her childhood, teenager years, mentioned moments captured in pictures and stuff like that. Enjoy!**

_4 year old Tris._

"_Stop it! You monster!"_

_I was running full speed around the backyard trying to dodge Caleb's huge water gun. It was summer so Jeanine said that she would take us out and that we could get in the pool! She said that we should keep our voices down because mommy isn't feeling so well. Mommy doesn't play with us anymore, she used to come out of her sleepy room and play with my dolls, but she doesn't want to anymore. She doesn't come out of her and daddy's bedroom either. Jeanine says she is sick and that she doesn't want her little germs to make us sick too._

"_Come on! Don't be such a baby!" Caleb said while furiously squirting water at me. _

"_Stop it! It hurts!" _

"_Caleb! Darling, her body is smaller than yours! It hurts her" Jeanine said from her place in the lounging chair._

"_No! It doesn't, she's just acting like a baby!" He said, lowering the gun._

"_She __**is**__ a baby, Caleb" Jeanine said, while coming towards me. "If you are going to play rough on her, I'm going to have to cancel this playdate."_

"_NO!" Caleb and i screamed at the same time. It wasn't fair! I wanted to swim in the pool with Dotty the duck! _

"_i don't want to go back inside Jeanine!" i said while crossing my arms. I had seen Daddy do that when he was trying to ground Caleb. _

"_Me neither, Jeanine"_

"_Well, then. Do we agree on not squirting water at your sister, Caleb?"_

"_Yes." He mumbled._

"_Okay, then say "I'm sorry sister" and give her a hug" _

"_I'm sorry sister for hitting you hard with my water gun" He said. Then he put the gun on the grass and gave me a hug._

"_Aww, see? You look cute when you get along, kids" Jeanine said._

"_I don't want to be cute with her." He said while untangling himself from me. I felt a tug at my hair and my scalp throbbed._

"_Oww! Jeanine, Caleb pulled my braid and it hurt!"_

"_CALEB!"_

* * *

_14 year old Tris_

"_Are you sure? Christina giggled in her phone._

"_Can you hang up now, so i can enjoy my time with you?" _

"_Wait! I'm having gossip report; I'll tell you everything once I'm done."_

_We were at her backyard, being lazy in the pool. _

_I hope her phone falls into the water and explodes._

"_HAHA! Oh, i wish i had seen that. Uh, hey, listen i got to go… yeah, she's giving me the look of doom…. Hahaha, no…. Yeah, i'll tell her….yeah, you tell the bucking squad to get everything ready and i buy the chips… okay. Bye" _

"_Marlene says to suck your tit the next time we are talking, to keep your mouth entertained."_

"_I would rather suck hers."_

"_Ew, you tell her that tonight." _

"_So we are getting the chips?"_

"_Yeah, Uriah said to buy the color ones, but they taste weird."_

"_So, no color chips. What else?"_

"_Erm, i think we should do a list"_

"_And call Marlene again to repeat everything she told you to get and that you forgot"_

"_Right."_

…_.._

"_Hello?"_

"_Hey, just to tell you that i rather suck yours."_

* * *

_16 year old Tris_

"_I'm scared."_

"_Shut up, you are going to blow our cover"_

"_I'm going to pee"_

"_Uriah, please"_

"_I'm serious. I drank the whole bottle and i can't hold it any longer. I don't want to be found with wet pants."_

"_Wouldn't be the first time. Now shut up"_

…_._

"_Tris?"_

…

"_Tris!"_

"_if you don't stop talking I'm going to rip your tongue and shove it so far up your ass, that you are going to taste lunch."_

"_You are so mean."_

"_Go pee in the bush, Uri."_

"_I'll do that."_

…

"_I FOUND URIAH!"_

"_WAIT!"_

…

"_God, why" i whispered to myself._

"_I peed myself!"_

"_EW! I thought your leg was covered in sweat!"_

"_Want to see how long my hose is?"_

* * *

_15 year old Tris_

"_He says he just wasn't into her anymore"_

"_You and i know that Zeke is never into anyone that way. He just wants to bang girls, he's not looking for a relationship. That's why he breaks things with them before they ask him to take them out"_

"_He has a two week mark"_

"_I know, me and Chris keep count."_

"_You do?"_

"_Yeah."_

…

"_Can i ask you something?"_

"_You just did"_

"_Don't smartass me, little girl"_

"_If you call me that one more time I'll slap you. Besides, I'm your age"_

"_You don't look like me."_

"_Thanks for pointing out the obvious"_

"_No, seriously. Can i ask you something?"_

"_Tobi-"_

"_Shush. You are ruining it"_

"_Get your filthy finger out of my mouth."_

"_Should i replace it with something big-"_

"_OW! Okay, sorry."_

…

"_Did i hurt you?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Let me see"_

"_Ow!"_

"_I'm sorry, oh my god you are bleeding."_

"_Yeah, well, biting fingers will do that. Mostly if you have rat teeth."_

"_I will bite the other one."_

"_Kiss it better."_

…_._

"_There?"_

"…_Yeah. I will live"_

…_.._

"_I didn't think you would actually kiss me."_

"_Well, an eye for an eye. Or a finger for lips"_

"_Do you want to go out with me?"_

"_That's what has been eating you?"_

"_Yes."_

"_Yes."_

…

"_Can i have more lip action?"_

* * *

_17 year old Tris_

"_Oh, god. Move!"_

"_Chris?"_

"_No, it's the fucking tooth fairy."_

"_Where the hell are we?"_

"_I don't know"_

"_Owww, god my back."_

"_Where the hell are we?"_

…_.._

"_What it's the last thing you remember from last night?"_

"_Doing body shots with Tobias"_

"… _What? Where?"_

"_On the table. You were with… i don't remember where you were"_

"_Yeah? Neither do i. Fuck, Tris"_

"_Do you have your cellphone?"_

"_It's dead."_

…_.._

"_I don't have mine. Fuck! My dad is going to kill me."_

…_._

"_Well, we__better go."_

"_Go __**where**__ Christina? We don't know where we are. We could be in Florida for all i know"_

"_Well, you are not going to magically appear in your house seating here, will you? Come on! Maybe we'll find someone who will let us use a phone or something."_

"_Or tell us where we are"_

"_Or rape us, but luck shall say."_

"_Do i hit you know or later?"_

"_Later, save it up for another screw up"_

"_Okay, Christina."_

…_.._

"_That party rocked."_

"_I know. Happy fucking birthday Uriah."_

"_When we find him, I'm going to kiss him.__** If**__ we find him."_

"_OW! Tris!"_

"_You screwed up."_

* * *

_18 year old Tris_

"_And do you like the new room?"_

"_Yeah, i mean, it's nice having a bigger room. Did my Dad pay much for it?"_

"_I'm not going to answer that."_

"_Okay. Seems fair. Do you think i'm getting better?"_

"_Yes. You don't see your mom often, right?"_

…

"_Tris?"_

"… _No. She's gone. I don't even see her in my dreams now."_

"_Well, then there you go. That's a big step, Tris."_

"_I don't want to talk about this."_

"_Why not? Are you afraid? What are you afraid of, Tris?"_

"_I'm afraid I'll never see her again. That i won't be able to look into her eyes at least in my head, because i know she's never going to hug me again or even look at me again. Because she's dead. Because she's gone. She won't be here and i need my mom"_

…_._

"_Here. Grab a tissue."_

_Sniff. "i'm sorry. I don't cry that easily."_

"_It's okay to cry Tris. To cry it's to let your emotions go. So let them go."_

"_It would be easier if you put that Frozen song."_

"_You want that? I can get it for you. Play it in every session."_

"_God, no. I would rip my ears off"_

"_You know, it's weird that us, humans cry when we feel sad or frustrated or any emotion really. The purpose of the tears are to lubricate the eye. So they are the eye's personal cleaners. But they come freely every time that we are sad or happy and all emotions previously mentioned. __But it is good to cry Tris."_

"_Yeah, well, to me it's a sign of weakness. And i am not weak."_

"_Yes, you are right. You are not weak. But everybody needs to let the walls down sometimes, and you know? It's not so bad to let them down."_

"_I really like you, Tori. I hope these people never change you and give me another doctor."_

"_I wouldn't let that happen. You are one of my favorite patients, you know that?"_

"_Thanks. You are my favorite shrink."_

"_I'm the only one you ever had."_

"_I'm sorry to lie to you Tori, but i already had sex so you are not my first."_

"_Funny. Want to talk about him?"_

"_Not really."_

"_Why not? Let it go, remember?"_

"_Okay. I miss him. He-uh-he was really good with me."_

"_And are you guys broken up or what?"_

"_I don't know. We technically never broke up, but things weren't the same anymore. And i….."_

"_You slept with other people"_

"_Yes… oh my god i feel terrible. What if he doesn't want to even see me! It would break me. Well, i'm already broken but.."_

"_Every broken person has a bottle of glue somewhere. Yours happens to be the people around you. And yourself. You have to __**forgive**__ yourself in order to start healing and to heal the relations around you."_

"_My bottle it's almost empty"_

"_You can buy another one"_

"_I wish life was as easy as buying a bottle of glue. Tobias is never going to forgive me."_

"_Don't decide for him. He has a mind of his own."_

"_I wish i could call him. Or anyone."_

"_If you called him, you would hear his breathing and hang up, like those cliché movies."_

"_Yeah, i probably would."_

"_Hey, our session is over. Damn it, how the time flies when you are having fun."_

"_So, next session is, when."_

"_Uhm, next Thursday."_

"_So, for next Thursday i expect the Let it go song and a new box of tissues"_

"_Don't forget your bottle of glue."_

"_Of course. It's right next to my emotions bottle. I will bring that one as well."_

"_And don't forget to bring the walls down, okay?"_

* * *

_4 year old Tris_

"_Mommy what is that?"_

"_It's a bottle of perfume. Your daddy bought it for me. It's from another country."_

"_Oh. Does it smell pretty?"_

"_Yes. It smells like flowers."_

"_Where am i going?"_

"_To your friend Christina's house."_

"_Oh yeah! Why are you doing my hair then? It's just Chrissy's house, mommy."_

"_Well i wanted to brush your hair. It's a beautiful color. Just like mine. And just like Caleb's"_

"_Mommy when am i going to go with you to your sleepy room?"_

"_It's relaxing room, dear. And you can go anytime you like."_

"_But Jeanine said not to go when you are inside."_

"_Well, sometimes i need to relax. Because i become a dragon!"_

"_Hahaha, mommy! Stop!"_

"_But you don't have to fear me, flower. My beautiful, baby flower."_

"_I love you mommy."_

"_I love you too. __No matter what."_

* * *

_17 year old Tris_

_Everything was spinning. The ceiling was purple and someone was talking to me. __**Touching me. **_

"_Tris! Tris, wake up."_

"_Is she high?"_

"_Probably drunk."_

_I saw the world spinning and i sudenly was engulfed in apair of tree trunks. But they were soft. And warm. And smelled of coffee and musk. __**Mmmmmm i know who this is.**_

"_Tobias?" i heard myself say._

"_Yes baby it's me."_

"_Oh, god. She's alive people!" _

"_Stop screaming in my ear, Uriah."_

"_All of you shut up. Get out, I'm going to talk to her."_

"_Who named you the boss?... okay we are leaving."_

"_BYE TRIS!"_

"_URIAH STOP SCREAMING!"_

"_SHUT UP CHRISTI-"_

"_BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP!"_

_I heard silence and a door opening. _

"_Bye Tris." I heard Marlene whisper._

"_Call me if you need anything, brother."_

"_Yeah, thanks Zeke. I owe you one."_

"_You owe me tons. Shut up."_

_I try to look around me but all i see is a masive chest._

"_Hey?"_

"_Hey." I felt him say._

"_Where am i?"_

"_My __house. Well, in my apartment."_

"_What the fuck happened to me?"_

"_Well i was sleeping and i got a call from Zeke. Saying that a few friends of him saw you getting drunk at Bud's. Want to tell me what the fuck was that about?"_

_Shit, he was mad. I felt him lay me down on what i'm guessing is his bed. I try to look around but my head feels like it weights a ton so i try to focus on his face._

"_I don't know. I don't remember anything. I don't even remember going to Bud's."_

"_Yeah well, my guess is that you were already hammered when you got to Bud's. God Tris, you drove! Do you have any idea what could have happened to you?"_

"_Yeah well I'm fine, aren't i?"_

_He laughed without humor and crossed his arms. He gave me this look that made my blood run cold and my panties drench._

"_You and i know that you are anything but fine."_

_Low blow. I turn my head towards the wall. I don't want to see his face. I know i'm anything but fine. But nobody needs to know that. I'm not weak._

"_I'm not weak. I can handle myself just fine!" i shout at him. I'm done. I try to stand up and walk out of here but the minute i give my first step my high heeled foot twist and i feel my world go down. I hear him laugh. Fucking bitch._

"_So you are fine? Come here, little girl." He grabs my arm and hauls me up. God i think i'm drunker than what i thought i was._

_He sits me on the bed and sits next to me._

"_Are we ever going to talk about it?"_

"_There's nothing to talk about, Tobias. Yes I'm drunk."_

_I lay back down on the bed and close my eyes. Maybe that way the ceiling won't talk to me._

"_Tris. You almost kill me." I hear him sigh "God, you are going to kill me one day." I bet he's running his hand on his face. He always does that when he's frustrated, his face wrinkles all together. I love it when he does that. I love it when he does anything. I love him._

"_If you are mad at me, why can't you just fuck me?"_

"_Because that's what you want. And you are grounded. I'm not giving into you."_

"_Are you sure?" i try to sound sexy but i feel y vocal cords not working and i explode into a coughing fit._

"_Go to bed, doll." I hear him laugh._

"_Come to bed with me."_

"_Yes?" he turns to look at me and i get lost in his eyes._

"_I'm horny."_

"_I can see that. But you are drunk."_

"_So what. I'll just do the same with you when you get drunk." I say, taking my pants of. But i can't really take them off with chunky boots at my feet and a cloudy mind. _

_I feel his hands join mine at my ankles and suddenly I'm pant-free. He runs his hands up my legs and my skin explodes in goose bumps. He takes my boots off and i give a little happy sigh when he climbs on the bed with me. _

"_Are you sure? You have been drinking, baby." _

"_Shut up." I say pressing my lips to his._

_I climb on top of him and feel his hands on my hips, gently kneading my skin. He's always so gentle with me._

"_I love you." He mumbles against my cheek._

"_I know."_

_(Time skip)_

_Later when we are laying on the sheets out of breath he takes me in his arms and i feel his deep breathing that tells me he's asleep._

"_I love you." I whisper in his chest._

_I know I'm fucked up. I don't want to sleep. The truth is that I'm scared. I took a nap this afternoon and i saw __**her. **__I was so freaked out that i took an entire bottle of whisky from my dad's office and drank the whole thing. __Then i guess i went to Bud's._

_I miss my mom. I try to look better for the sake of my friends but i can't pretend anymore. __I am not okay. _

_Without realizing i start crying and i watch my tears fall on his naked chest. I hug Tobias as hard as i can without waking him up._

"_I love you." Whisper again, pressing my damp face against his chest._

_**AN: **__**T**__**ada! I really liked writing this. I would really like to write a lemon for these two but i don't know how. I could try if you guys want. Also is the rating okay? I don't know a fuck about the ratings so tell me when i over pass the T. Hope inspiration hits me fast. **_


	6. Chapter 6

_I open my eyes and see the sky, the clear blue sky with a thousand of fluffy white clouds staring down at me._

_I stretch my arms wide and fist my fingers, and find myself grasping something soft, dry and crusty. I look down at my palms and see a fistful of dry leaves, crushed into tiny pieces by my hands._

_I look around and see trees and bushes obscuring my view._

_I was in a forest._

_I stand up and level my view with my arounds, but still, the only thing i see are trees. Thousands of them, blocking my view and path from whatever that is beyond them._

_I take a step forward and feel a sharp sting in my foot. I bend my leg upwards and take my injured limb between my hands, taking between my fingers a pine needle._

_I notice that I'm obviously barefoot and that, suddenly, i am also cold._

_I look down at myself and notice I'm wearing a white flimsy camisole that reaches a few inches before my knees and a few inches past my fingertips._

_I start to walk around, wincing every few seconds when i feel my feet catch a singing needle or a dry leave._

_What am i doing here? Is this what dead feels like? Am i dead?_

_**Thump.**_

_**Thump.**_

_What is that?_

_**Thump.**_

_The undoubtable sound of heavy footsteps echoes through the otherwise silent forest and i feel the sudden need to run._

_The sky is no longer blue and full of white clouds, but grey and full of black, angry clouds. _

_Run._

_Run! My mind screams._

_I run through the falling branches and duck between the tree trunks. I feel bile rising in my throat and a ringing in my ears that says run faster. Don't stop. Don't you stop._

_My lungs burn with the aching need of air but my mind keeps screaming at me to not stop. Never stop._

_I hear the heavy thumps getting closer and my heart hammering in my chest. I know I'm in danger. Of what, lord only knows._

_Suddenly everything stops._

_My feet stop obeying me and stay still, refusing to keep going._

_The thumping footsteps are no longer there._

_And my heartbeat is no longer threatening to make me deaf._

_I put my hand on my chest and feel my breathing, normal and deep. As if i was sleeping._

_As if i never ran for my life._

"_Beatrice."_

"_Beatrice."_

_Someone whispers and i swear it sounds like a scream in the silent forest._

"_Beatrice."_

"_Follow me, flower."_

_The voice is a sweet whisper, charming and inciting, like your best friend beckoning you to mischief. But this voice only sounds like a promising heaven, a relaxing time. No mischief._

_And i follow it._

_The voice keeps whispering sweet nothings in my ear._

_Suddenly my feet slip through dirt and i find myself reaching something to hold onto._

_My hand closes around a tree branch, full of green leaves, and i look down to see that i was about to fall into a cliff, down where i can only see more and more leaves, with tall trees adorning the view and the scent of flowers flowing in my nostrils._

_I take a step backwards and feel my hand pool with liquid and a sharp sting in my palm._

_I unclench it from the dead grip i had in the tree branch and see my hand flowing with blood._

_I look back to the tree branch and see it full of tiny needles, that pierced my skin._

_I see the crimson red falling like a river, down, down, down to the ground. And before it can splash on the forest floor something changes._

_I blink._

_Suddenly there are no more trees or bushes or cliffs, or anything really. The forest is covered in snow._

_The blood drips on the thick covered ground and tints the white with red._

_I part my lips and draw in what it feels like my first breath ever._

_The air tastes like cold._

_I don't think cold is a flavor but that is what the air tastes like._

_Also it tastes like blood._

_I run my tongue across my lip and find the unmistakable ting of metal. I must have bitten it when i was about to fall._

_I look down again and see that the cliff is no longer a cliff. It's an empty floor covered in snow. _

_I feel the snowflakes gathering in my loose hair and i open my mouth to take them in._

_It still tastes like cold, but i no longer mind. I like the taste._

_I see a figure walking towards me. It moves swiftly and slowly, confident and its glossy hair flowing freely in the snow-carrying wind._

_A woman._

_My mother, i see._

_She wears a dress similar to what i wear and i must say it suits her slow-walking self._

_She stands a few feet away from me and stretches her hand, her open palm and fingers beckon me._

"_it's time, flower." she says as she smiles at me._

_My mother._

_And she's smil__i__ng._

"_Mom?"_

_She smiles._

"_Where are we?"_

_Her fingers wiggle as to say 'come'._

_It's time?_

"_For what, mother?"_

"_It's time, flower." She repeats._

_She smiles at me and i feel so happy._

_So happy. My mom, smiling and she's here. She's here._

_I wrap my fingers around hers and stand next to her._

_She smiles and raises her hand to caress my cheek._

"_My beautiful, baby flower."_

_I put my hand on top of hers and smile, so big my face hurts. She's here._

_Then her smile seems to fade, getting smaller by the second until she's serious. As if she's thinking something or having a mental conversation with somebody._

_Then her smile somes back, but this time it has a sad look in it._

"_Fight." She says._

"_What?"_

"_Fight."_

_What does she mean? Fight? For what?_

"_Mother? I don't understand."_

"_I was so sure. You don't belong here yet, dear Tris. Fight."_

_I don't belong here?_

"_Mom?"_

_She starts to walk backwards, her hand never leaving my cheek._

"_Mother? Mom?" i say desperately, trying to hold onto her hand but my arms feel heavy, like they were made of stone, and i cannot lift them._

"_My beautiful, baby fower." _

_Her had no loner holding mine falls back beside her and she is still walking backwards._

"_Mother?!" i scream. Or whisper? Everything is so quiet._

"_This is not the last time we will see each other. I promise you i will come back for you. But it's not your time yet. Fight, flower." She never stops smiling._

_And then she's just a shadow, a figure walking back to her path across the snow. Just like when i first spotted her._

"_MO__MMY__? MOM? Tell me what to do! Please don't leave me! MOTHER!" i scream._

"_This is not the last time we will see each other." Her voice says. But i can no longer see her._

_I run towards the sound of her voice but i can't see anything._

_I run and run but it's like i never moved, everything is the same._

"_TELL ME WHAT TO DO!"_

_I cry, i feel the cold tears running down my face, but i don't have the strength to do anything but fall. I sit on the snow and cry._

"_Tell me what to do." __I whisper to myself._

_I feel her feather touch still lingering on my cheek._

_I'm imagining things, like always._

_Then the feel of it grows stronger._

_Like she was putting pressure on it._

_Like she was really here._

_Like she was putting her hand against my cheek again._

"_Beatrice."_

_Like she was whispering my name._

"_Beatrice."_

_Like she was here with me._

"_Beatrice."_

_Like she was alive._

"_Beatrice."_

"_Tell me what to do."_

"_Open your eyes, Beatrice."_

_Come back, you said you would._

"_Beatrice, wake up."_

_Please don't leave me again mommy._

"_She's waking up."_

_I love you._

"_Is it time, mother?"_

"…_. It's not your time, yet. Beatrice, open your eyes."_

_I open my eyes and find myself blinded by a white light. I blink enough to make a face appear._

_Her long black hair falls in perfect waves around her slender face._

"_I'm Tori. Doctor Tori Wu. It's going to be okay, Beatrice. You are going to be okay."_

"_Please call me Tris."_

_She smiles at me and i find her comforting, i like her._

_But she's not my mom and i want to be with her._

"_My mom.." i croak out._

_Her smile wavers but she smiles again._

"_It will be okay, Tris. __Everything's gonna be fine."_

* * *

I wake up with a start.

"That one, again." I mumble to myself.

Sometimes i have nightmares, but sometimes, like this one, i have memories. The one i dreamed of last night was the first time i woke up at the clinic.

I untangle myself from the covers and go to my bathroom to get rid of that disgusting taste in my mouth.

I brush my teeth and look at myself in the mirror. I don't have bags under my eyes anymore, my hair is clean and glossy, not like a few months ago when i cringed every time i passed my fingers through it.

I finish my thing and go to my vanity where my phone is charging. I push the home button and cringe when the screen lights up. I blink and see the time. _6:38_

Damn, what am i going to do now?

I decide to send a wake up text to Christina, just to annoy the hell out of her. But knowing her she probably won't hear it and she will see it when she's awake, around 10 o'clock.

I decide to leave her alone and put my phone on the night stand, and go back to bed.

I sink into the warm covers and bury myself in them. The last thing i remember when i fall asleep is my background picture.

Of me and the gang.

Of me and my family.

* * *

I wake up with a start, actually i wake up with a shake.

Someone is shaking me.

"Wake up, bitch."

"Shut up." I mumble into my pillow. My bed is too warm to get out.

I feel the cold air on my bare legs and i assume she lifted the covers of me.

"Get up loser we're going shopping." Someone says and then i feel the sting of a slap on my thigh.

"Ow, you idiot!" so i get up with a start.

And find myself face to face with Lynn.

"Told you she would look like a gold fish." Christina says in the background.

"Yeah, yeah." Lynn says in a bored tone.

"Lynn!" i exclaim. I never felt so happy to see this grinch. I wrap my arms around her and hug her tight.

"OW! Get off me!" she screams like i burned her. She pushes me and i fall back on my bed.

"Hey! Be nice."

Then i see that Marlene and Shauna are here too.

"Hey, Tris." Marlene says, smiling at what i suppose is my surprised gold fish face.

She helps me up and gives me a giant bear hug. She smells like roses and kiwi shampoo.

I look over her shoulder to see Shauna quietly standing against my bedroom door, with her arms crossed against her chest and her face guarded.

She notices me looking and openly stares at me.

Marlene notices that i lost interest in the hug and steps back, noticing that Shauna and i seem to be in a staring contest.

"Shauna is just a bit freaked out, you know, because you came here so fast. No one knew when you were getting back-"

"Yeah, because you never bothered to talk to us. Even before you went to shrink juvie." Shauna said rudely. Well i figured someone would be bothered.

"Shauna.. i-"

"Save it. I don't care, but i want you to know that you hurt me. You hurt us, Tris. That's not what friends do." She said, her voice cracking a little.

"Girls, we-"

"No. It's fine, Marlene. I know i hurt you guys. I know that what i did broke you, but i want you to know that i didn't do it on purpose. I was out of it, okay? I would never hurt you intentionally, because you mean the world to me. I love you guys. And if i could take back all those things i did i would do it in a heartbeat." I was crying, and i probably look awful but i don't care. These words are what i wanted to tell them since the moment i woke up at the clinic. I yearned for them.

"And I'm sorry. I am so sorry that i hurt you. You don't deserve that. I'm sorry that i was so deep into my shit that i couldn't see i was hurting everyone around me. I'm sorry i wasn't here for you when you thought you were having a baby Shauna. I'm sorry i wasn't there to hug you and comfort you when Uriah screwed up, Marlene. I'm sorry i wasn't here for you when you came out to your mom, Lynn. I'm sorry that i wasn't here when your parents got divorced Chris. I'm sorry for everything, I'm sorry for leaving you guys. I'm so sorry."

We were all ugly crying at this moment, except Lynn of course.

"I'm sorry you felt like you didn't have anyone to talk to, honey." Marlene said.

"I'm sorry i didn't notice you were falling apart at the beginning of your wreck." Said Christina.

"I'm sorry for all you, crying at 11 am." Lynn said with an eye roll.

"I'm… not sorry. For everything i said to you. You deserve my cold shoulder." Shauna said wiping her tears away.

Christina gasped, Marlene started crying harder and Lynn looked surprised to hear those words come out of her sister's mouth. I felt numb.

"Shauna, i un-"

"I'm not sorry for the things i said. But i forgive you. Because i love you. And if you hurt i hurt too. I understand."

I went to her and she met me half way, wrapping her arms around me. I felt so relieved, she didn't hate me.

"I'm sorry, toots." She whispered in my ear.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I cried quietly against her shoulder.

She kissed my head and untangled herself from me. The she proceeded to hold me at arm's length and inspect me.

"You look good." She sniffled.

I laughed and then we were engulfed in a giant group hug.

"Yay! The plastics are back!" Marlene squealed.

"Okay, physical contact is breaking my bones. Let me go!" Lynn screamed.

**AN: Okay, so I'm totally obsessed with The Mortal Instruments and that's why I'm having trouble concentrating in writing. ****I can't get Clace off my head. Blame them.**

**Thanks to everyone who reviews and Follows/Favorites this story. Love you.**

**Question: why do authors put disclaimer? I mean, what is the purpose of the disclaimer.**

**Also if anyone knows a good Clace fic please let me know. **

**Also, I'm starting school on Monday so, let's see how long it takes me to update.**

**Review my loves! **


	7. Of Uriah and Dauntless Cake

**AN: Heyyyy! I've been thinking about this chapter for ages, i didn't know what to write but i had a little epiphany and now I'm back. I know what to do with this story now, i know everything that's going to happen *insert maniac author character-killing laugh here*.**

**Also i want to explain myself right now, in case it takes me a long time to write the next chapter:**

**My grandma's mom, Alicia, is my second grand mommy (My dad's family side is shit) and she's very sick. She has been sick for a long time now, most of her arteries were blocked and her blood pressure was really low, but with medication she was above fine. Yesterday we received the bad news, she went to her normal doctor's appointment and got checked up, and the doctor found all her arteries blocked with barely enough blood pumping through her body. He said to prepare ourselves for her to pass away, and to give her everything she wants to eat and to take her everywhere she wants to go. So obviously my entire family is really depressed and sad, but we try not to show it because of her, we got to be strong for her.**

**So if i don't update in this few weeks you all know why.**

**Thanks to everyone who reviews/favorites/follows this story. Kisses and a piece of dauntless cake for everyone.**

* * *

After i took a shower and got rid of the achy feel my nightmare left on me, i got dressed and the girls tooke me to Marlene's house.

She lived in a fancy residence, with a huge forest in the back, a stable and a mini golf court for her golf loving father.

We entered her house and i glanced at every corner i had the chance to see, checking what had changed. A vase on a table at the entrance, a new chandelier, and as i had a glimpse of the living room i saw a new wallpaper. Nothing new, they were always 'renovating' themselves.

We went into her bedroom and i plopped down on the fluffy bed.

"Ahh, home sweet home." Christina said, throwing herself at me, on the bed.

"Contrary of what you believe, Christina, you are not as light as a feather." I grunted, throwing her off of me.

"What are you talking about, i weight as much as a baby." She said, snuggling in the covers.

"Yeah, a baby horse, maybe." Said a laughing Lynn.

"Mean."

"So, you know what's coming soon, right Tris?" said Marlene after a bit of silence.

"Uriah and Zeke Pedrad's famous Halloween party? How can i forget?"

"Well, you have missed two already."

"Yeah, i didn't feel like going. Or maybe i wasn't here to go. Yeah, that was it." I said sarcastically

"Right. But are you going this year?"

"Well, i haven't been invited yet."

"Uriah hasn't invited you yet?" said Shauna with a shocked expression

"Yeah, why? Did he invited you guys already?"

"Uh, yeah." Christina exchanged looks with the girls. "He invited us like, three days ago."

I am certain that i was here for more than three days ago, so either my invitation got lost in the mail or he didn't invite me. Which i am more than sure that was the latter because he doesn't send them, he personally gives them to you. Which makes me believe that he doesn't want to face me. Little bitch.

"Maybe he's saving you for last." Marlene said hopefully.

"I wish, but you know that's not the case." I said a bit sadly

"Maybe he doesn't want you around or he's a bit scared?" Shauna said airily.

"Because, you now you are a pain in the ass."

"Thanks Lynn."

"You're welcome, baby."

"Have you seen Tobias yet?" Marlene asked, changing the awkward topic.

"Erm-"

"Oh my god. You are blushing." Interrupted Christina. "You totally saw him. What did you do? Did you have make up sex?"

"Christina! Jesus, what is it to you? No, we didn't have sex-"

"Even though you miss it, right? I know you miss the sex. Locked up there, sexless. Tobiasless." Stated Christina

"We didn't have sex. He just came to see me, he said he heard from a little bird-" i threw a pointed look at Christina there, "That i was back and he wanted to check."

"And why are you a blushing virgin then? There's something more.." Marlene said knowingly.

"I couldn't help myself and kissed the corner of his mouth. You know how it is, he flirted with me and i can't resist him, so.." i trailed off.

"Oh, you poor thing. Does the big scary Four does things to you? Do you feel a thing in your heart every time he speaks to you?" Marlene mocked me.

"Does he makes your tummy do flips?" Shauna continued.

"Does he makes your clit ting?" Said Lynn laughing.

"Yes he does." Said Christina.

"Yes he does. I still got it bad for him." I admitted.

"He gives you the hots."

"He makes you feel butterflies." Squealed Christina, throwing her arms around me and hugging me tight to the bed.

"Awwww" said Marlene

"I know you miss the sex too." Christina whispered in my ear.

"Christina." I laughed.

"She's serious, you know? You need to have a welcome fuck. God knows you have dust down there." Said Lynn.

"Are you going to do the fucking? Because i don't want anyone but you Lynn."

"I don't want anyone but you either, but i will share you with Four."

"Thanks."

"Do we need to go lingerie shopping?"

"No, i have enough. Besides, you guys don't even know if he's going to bang me. I wouldn't blame him if he didn't."

"We all know, Tris darling, that he has the biggest kind of hots for you." stated Marlene.

"I shouldn't be saying this to you, but Zeke told me that a few months ago, he and Tobias got drunk and they played Truth or Dare, and Tobias slipped that you were always in his mind. And that you made his balls tighten. But you didn't hear this from me; I'm breaking the girlfriend code for the girl code." Shauna said.

"Eeek, you guys are my OTP." Christina squealed, once again, and crushed one or two of my ribs.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean he wants to get back with me. I hurt him. Ow! Release me, anaconda."

"Sorry, but he still loves you, hun. I know in my shipper heart that he does."

"Yeah, he was devastated when you left, but he will get over it."

"You guys don't understand, i cheated on him, i lied, i ignored him. He has the right to hate me."

"But he doesn't. And he won't, Tobias can't hate you. You have done bad things, but you weren't conscious of them, and he understands that. He loves you, get that through your thick skull."

"I'm not a saint, but i love him. God i love him so much." I sniffled.

"He loves you too, Tris." Marlene said, caressing my arm.

"I'm going to get him back. I swear. I'll do anything to get him back."

"Yeahhh! That's the attitude. The plastic attitude. Get him back and ride him to oblivion."

"I'm not riding anything until i get him back."

"Invite him to Uriah's party."

"First you have to _be _invited to Uriah's party."

"ohh, Lynn's right. You are not invited yet."

Right, my invitation. That's my golden ticket, i have to make Uriah invite me to his party.

"I have to go." I said, jumping from the bed.

"Wait, we were supposed to hang out!" protested Christina.

"I have to get my man back!" i said slipping through Marlene's bedroom door.

"Do your thing! Call us when you succeed!" screamed Shauna.

I exited Marlene's house and started descending the steps when i realised that i didn't have a car. I had catched a ride with the girls.

I grabbed my phone form my pocket and dialed Christina's number.

…

"Yeah? Did you forgot something?"

"Yes, i don't have a car."

"Ooh! How do you plan on getting- wait, where are you going?"

"You know what? Tell Marlene I'm taking her car. And could you text me Uriah's number?" i said running inside the house and grabbing the car keys that Marlene had thrown on the table.

"Uhh, sure. She's taking your car."

I hanged up before i could here Marlene's response.

I opened the car and got in. i reversed towards the driveway just in time to see Marlene's head pop out of the window.

"You bitch! Wait until my father hears about this!" she screamed at me.

I laughed and flipped her off with my finger while i exited her residence.

I felt my but vibrate and toke my cellphone out, while driving.

_778 384 2253._

_Marlene's pissed. You better run, Beatrice._

_Xo, C._

* * *

_To: 778 384 2253_

_I need to talk to you, come to my house._

_I'll be wating._

_/_

_From: Uriah_

_Who's this? And how the hell did you get my number?_

_/_

_To: Uriah_

_It's your mom, __sugar._

_/_

_To: Uriah_

_I'm kidding._

_Who else had this number? You knew it by heart, you pansycake._

_/_

_From: Uriah_

_Tris?_

_/_

_To: Uriah_

_Yes._

_/_

_..._

_/_

_To: Uriah_

_Are you scared of me or what?_

_/_

_From: Uriah_

_I'm not scared of anything._

_Much less of little girls._

_/_

_To: Pussyface_

_Well, i want to talk to you._

_Come to my house._

_/_

_From: Pussyface_

_Don't tell me what to do!_

_AND CHANGE MY NAME!_

_/_

_To: Pussyface_

_I'll be waiting._

_/_

_To: Uriah_

_Pussyface._

* * *

i sat on the kitchen counter, eating a piece of dauntless cake while playing Quiz Up in my phone. I heard the doorbell ring and got up to get it, i opened the door and saw a swirl of red passing me to stand a good 5 feet away from me.

"Hey to you too." I said closing the door.

"Where do we talk?" he said looking at the inside of the house.

"Uh, kitchen."

We walked towards the kitchen and he sat on the chair i previously had been sitting on while i opened the fridge.

"Want anything to drink?"

"No i'm go- IS THAT DAUNTLESS CAKE?" he said perking up inmediadlty

"Yes, you want some?"

"Uh, duh. Of course i want some. I want much of it. Actually just get the whole thing out."

I laughed silently to myself while i sat the cake in the table and sat in front of him.

He got up and opened the first drawer beside the fridge and got a fork out. Trust Uriah to act like he's home. He tooke an unhealthy chunk of cake and shoved it in his mouth.

"Are you good?" i asked amused.

"Could you get me a glass of milk?" he asked, chewing on the enormous amount of cake in his mouth.

"Okay." I said laughing freely.

He shot me a cheeky smile while i grabbed a glass and filled it with milk.

"Thanks." He said swallowing.

He shoved another forkful of cake in and openly stared at me, nodding his head occasionally.

"Quit staring at me."

"You look good." He said nodding, while having trouble speaking because of the cake.

"Thanks. You too. You going to the gym?" i said flexing my arm referring to his muscled one.

"Yeah, bigger branches have more birds."

"You only have one bird and her name is Marlene."

"There's more fishes on the sea, you never know." He said downing half of the milk.

I shot him a pointed look and he laughed around the glass.

"I'm kidding, you muggle."

"Yeah, i've heard some things. You weren't kidding back there were you?"

His face darkened a little, and then he lowered his eyes to my wrist. I tucked it against my side on instict.

"You weren't kidding back there either were you?"

"I'm better; I'm fine, Uri. But I'm not kidding, why did you- you know?"

"I was drunk, Tris. That girl threw herself at me and i- i don't know. We kissed but then Marlene found me and dragged me out of there. I'm glad she did, i don't know where things might have gone if she didn't get me out of there. She was hurt for a while but we got over it. They were dark times Tris. You weren't there." He said

"I know i wasn't there for you. That's why you are here, to talk. And to get everything out of your chest. And mine. Like old times."

"I'm going to need more of this if we are going through the emotions path." He said referring to his almost empty glass of milk. He downed the last drops and slammed the glass on the counter.

"MORE!" he yelled.

"Uriah! You're going to break the glass." I grabbed the said thing from his hand and refilled it with milk.

"I am Thor of Asgard, and i shall be treated with respect." He said grabbing the glass from my hands.

"Shut up." I said, filling one for myself.

"AHHH." He sighed happily after a big gulp of milk.

"You have a milk mustache." I laughed after gulping a sip of my milk.

"You too. We look hot." He said

"So, how do you feel, with me being back and all?"

"Well, i feel happy, because you keep me feeded and fat-"

"Uriah!" i laughed. "Be serious."

"Okay." He laughed. "I feel really happy for you. You seem fine, you say you feel fine and i believe you are fine. I missed you really bad so i'm really happy you are back." He finished smiling.

"I'm happy to be back too."

"I know you think i was avoiding you but i wasn't sure if you wanted to see me. Us, all of us. Because you weren't really speaking to us back then."

"I know, I'm sorry. I don't think i said that to you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry i ignored you. I was falling apart and my own hatred didn't let me see you guys trying to help me. "

"I tried so hard to help you. I put songs in your iPod trying to cheer you up. I let you notes on your mirror."

"I know. I appreciate it now, but back then i wasn't okay. So i thank you now for all of those little things you did. You put effort in those and i didn't care. I'm sorry." I was starting to tear up inside, i could feel the tears stinging the back of my eyes.

"I'm sorry too. For all the shit you went through. You didn't deserve it."

The tears started falling down my cheeks and he got up and hugged me tight.

"You deserved a normal mom. Like everybody else. But that wasn't your destiny, your mom made you be strong. You had to be mature since you were a little girl. You are the bravest, dear." He comforted me

"I didn't deserve it." I cried against his chest.

"No you didn't. You didn't. But you overcame it. You learned from it. And now, look at you. "he separated from me and tooke my face in his hands. "You are a beautiful young girl that had a really rough time but she recovered and now, she's ready to take life from the bull's horns."

"I'm pretty sure that's not how the saying goes." I laughed

"Whatever, you get what i mean. Listen to the wise words of the son of Hana, oh short one."

I laughed and hid my face in his chest. He kissed my hair and hugged me back.

"I love you, but this shirt is new and you and your mascara stained tears are ruining it."

"You are such a dick." I laughed, slapping his chest

"I'm proud of you, toots." He said wiping my cheeks

"Thanks, tootie."

"OHH, here." He untangled himself from me and reached one hand inside his jeans.

"What are you doing Uriah?"

"I was waiting for you to give me the white flag."

He toke an envelope and put in my hands.

"You are cordially invited to the best fucking party of the year. Wear a costume."

"I was going to ask you about this later, but now i got my answer. Thanks."

"I'm going to get the most amazing costume ever."

"A cupcake?"

"A dauntless cake costume would be better. But no, baby. It's going to ROCK!" he shouted in my face

Speaking of which i looked at the plate and saw it was empty.

"Seriously? That was my welcome treat."

"Jeanine can make you another one. That's her job, make you dauntless cake every single day."

"That's not what she gets paid for."

"Your dad pays her his dick for making sure you don't blow this house up."

"Shhh, Uriah! You swore you wouldn't say it out loud."

"Your dad pays her his dick for making sure you don't blow this house up." He whispered in my ear.

"That's not what i meant."

"She won't be hearing us anytime soon. We should sneak into that room of yours."

"Uriah!"

"Let's get physical."

"Uri! Stop!"

"You should dress as Olivia Newton-John for my party."

"Only if you were spandex."

"Obviously, what other kind of costume would i ever wear. Those shows how big your dick is."

"Uriah.."

"I have no problem using spandex, i'll let you know."

"I don't want to know about your dick."

"Yes you do. Yes you do."

**AN: I'll be rally happy if someone notices the Draco Malfoy sentence in this chapter. Shoutout to the person who does. This chapter was pure Uriah, i don't consider myself funny so let's see how he turns out. ****Also, in this story he's kinda Tris' male bestfriend.**

**Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! ****Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review! Review!**


	8. Initiation

**So sorry i took so long, but high school is a pain in the butt. Short chapter but fun.**

**Btw, i believe this story will have aprox. 15-20 chpters.**

**Read, bunnies and please review. Tell me what you want to see in future chapters.**

* * *

"YO! YO! YO!"

"Hey! YOU ARE SCREAMING IN MY EAR!" screamed Lynn in Uriah's ear.

He put his hands on her cheeks and pushed her face away with a little too much force, making her fall on the ground. But she cached his hand just in time to bring him own with her.

"IF I GO DOWN YOU ARE COMING WITH ME."

They wrestled on the ground until Zeke sprayed them with a hose.

"Nock it, kids. We are beginning our initiation."

"Fuck off." Huffed Lynn while getting off the ground

"No strong language while the ceremony is in session young lady." shushed Uriah.

They bickered quietly on the background, while Zeke sighed and placed a wine glass on the coffee table.

The Pedrad's backyard was illuminated by randomly placed white candles on the grass, making the space look dark but with enough light to see the teenagers faces.

Between 2 rows of chairs an aisle was created with red candles; at the end of it was a coffee table with various items such as a notebook, a pen, a bowl, a wine bottle, another candle and the said wine glass.

Seated comfortably on the chairs was the gang.

On the left side, on the chair next to the aisle was Tobias, alone with two other chairs on his right.

On the right side was Christina, followed by Marlene and Shauna, wearing white cloaks like everybody else for the occasion.

Zeke took his place next to the coffee table, in front of the aisle, wearing a red cloak with the hood off.

"EVERYONE SHUT UP AND TAKE YOUR SEATS!" he yelled.

"That's us! That's us!" Uriah squealed while pulling away from Lynn's headlock.

He ran and took his seat next to Tobias, while Lynn plopped down next to him.

"Glad to see you are finally joining the boy's side for good, Lynn." He said while he put his arm around her slim shoulders.

"Shut up. There's no other seat, dumbass." She said shaking his arm off and punching his shoulder hard

"I SAID SHUT UP."

"He's starting to freak me out." mumbled Shauna to Marlene

"Are we done? Yes? Thank you." He said without waiting for a response. "The initiation is in session. You may come forward, miss." He said, referring to Tris, who had been standing at the bottom of the aisle since the beginning, while he put his hood up and made a sign to everyone to do the same.

"Thank you." She said smiling amusedly, while walking towards him. Her shoeless feet peeking through the bottom of her white flowy dress that Zeke and Christina insisted she wore.

When she was standing in front of him he dramatically pulled the hood off, staring at her with serious eyes and nostrils blown wide like a bull.

"Friends! We are gathered here to welcome our sister back into our loved circle of the friendship. I, as our prime leader, must say that i am very glad that she took the right path and came back for redemption and forgiveness, and for that she must be rewarded with a big clap. EVERYONE CLAP!" he screamed clapping enthusiastically, his voice echoing on the backyard.

"SILENCE. But you must complete the initiation, young lady Tris. As you can see, the objects on the sacred coffee table are the instruments you must use to complete it. The instructions shall be announced right after this sentence ends." He paused.

"START OF INSTRUCTIONS:

ONE. The initiate will grab the Mortal Pen and shall write on a ripped piece of the Holy Notebook the name of this respected coven's leader.

TWO. The initiate shall kiss the piece of paper and then will take the Flaming Candle and with the help of the instructor- THAT'S ME PEOPLE- will burn the sacred piece of paper.

THREE. The initiate will drink of the Wine of Wisdom and shall be rewarded with the coven's secrets, making him/her a member of the coven. The remaining wine will be shared with the other members, but the leader will drink more.

FOUR. The initiate will blow on the Flaming Candle, turning it off and releasing the Silent Smoke that will clean the inside of our souls.

END OF THE INSTRUCTIONS." He finished while throwing his arms around

He grabbed the 'Holy Notebook' and ripped a piece of paper, handing it to her along with the 'Mortal Pen'.

"Please, write the name of your leader initiate, in sign of recognition."

"Uhhhh.." she whispered

"That's me." He whispered conspirationally

She supported the paper on the coffee table and wrote 'EZEKIEL' on it. She turned around and waved the used piece of paper around to show everyone the completed task.

"STAGE ONE COMPLETED!" screamed Uriah while everyone clapped

"Bravo. Now the candle initiate." Zeke said motioning to the lightened object.

Carefully she put a corner of the paper in the flame and took it out.

"The bowl!" said Zeke running to the table and carefully setting the still light candle on it and taking the bowl in his hands.

She put the burning paper inside the bowl and Zeke once again ran to the table, taking from the grass the previously used hose and spraying the bowl with cool water.

He returned to his place and screamed to the gang with his arms stretched wide open:

"STAGE TWO COMPLETED!"

They once again clapped while Tris laughed silently, thanking god- not for the first time- for her crazy little family.

He once again returned to the coffee table and took the bottle and the wine glass in his hands.

He raised his arms to show the remaining 'sacred' objects.

"The Wine of Wisdom. Initiate, if you may." He said motioning for her to help him serve the wine.

They filled the glass to the brim, a few drops sliding into their palms. She returned the bottle to the coffee table while Zeke licked his palm.

He gave her the glass and made a shushing motion to his snickering friends.

Everyone watched her while she drank a big gulp, itching to take a drink of their own and start the mini party.

"Okay, that's enough." Zeke said, snatching the glass from her lips. She frowned, licking her lips, while watching him take a healthy gulp.

When he swallowed a second gulp she took the glass back from him before he gulped down a third one.

"That's enough! Pass it to the members!" screamed Uriah standing up

"I say when it's enough!" Zeke screamed trying to take the glass from her hands, but failed when Uriah quickly grabbed it and ran to his seat.

An amused Tris and a pouting Zeke watched as their friends drank the wine. After a few minutes and a loud burp from Tobias, the now empty glass returned to Zeke's hands, where he put it safely on the coffee table.

He brought to Tris the last step to finish her 'inititation' , the dripping red candle.

"NOW, for the final act of the night, the initiate, whose name i have learned is Tris, will release the Silent Smoke and with it we will clean your dirty souls!"

He brought the candle close to her face, hissing when the hot wax dripped on his finger. Tris closed her eyes and in her mind, imagined that this was an actual ritual, her reinitiation, and that with the 'Silent Smoke' her mistakes would be cleansed and carried away with the night.

She grabbed the baby hairs that had fallen from her french braid, and blew gently. She opened her eyes to see the flame disappear, and the cloudy gray smoke appear in its wake.

At that moment Zeke gave a loud yelp, like an Indian in an actual ritual, and dropped the candle on the grass. He waved his arms and started jumping up and down, side to side; nobody understood what was he doing, but to his brother watching him jump was enough to join him.

The six watched as the brothers jumped and danced like crazy, smiling to themselves or freely laughing.

Then Zeke abruptly broke from their dance, ran, and lifted Tris in his arms.

"We welcome you, Trissypooh, to this coven, known to man as the great amazing coven, the Divergent Gang!" he said loudly as everybody cheered and Uriah kept dancing in the background.

Zeke then, ran as fast as he could with a protesting Tris in his arms, and jumped in the pool, screaming all the way there:

"THE SESSION IS CLOSED. PARTY BEGGINS…."

He resurged with a coughing and pissed Tris, angrily trying to kick him, while their friends laughed and cheered, Uriah and Lynn opening the wine bottle once again.

"NOW!" He continued, diving into the water, once again dragging Tris with him.

* * *

**Next chapter is the mini-after intiation-party. Maybe with a little FourTris.**

**When the caps are on, people are screaming. Don't know why but i always imagine Zeke and Uriah screaming all the time.**

**If you were wondering, my grams is alright. Still no better response from the doctor but she doesn't seem ready to go yet.**

**Xo, Ailin.**


	9. Trip to the ER

**Chapter nine is here, just as promised on For No One. I'm thinking of making a third part to it, because the reviews said they wanted a happy ending. We'll see.**

**So sorry for the wait, i thought i could write/update faster now that i'm on vacations but my brother has been using my laptop and everytime i want to use it, i find out that he has it in school.**

**Please review, reviews make my heart swell.**

* * *

_Dear Tori._

_I can't tell you why because you, of all people, know how much i longed for my treatment days to be over; but I find myself terribly missing you._

_Everything is fine here at home, my friends are so good to me and it's like i never left. A week ago they made this 'initiation' ceremony to welcome me back, i find the task of explicitly describing every detail of it to you very tedious, but do know that it didn't involve any palm cutting and that it was enormously fun. _

_My dad seems okay, but still, you know the drill: he doesn't really interact with me anymore. I don't know if i want to actually rekindle my previous relationship with him but i don't know if i can bear another awkward morning call from his office. _

_Jeanine is very kind and sweet to me, she always was, but i cannot decide if i ever will tell her that i know of her affair with my dad. I find her very comforting once more, and as you already know, i once saw her as my second mom._

_My brother Caleb has decided to stay a few more weeks with me and has since begun to work from home on his studies. I always find him talking on the phone with his supervisor Cara, who he tells me is very understanding with him and very smart. I also found him texting with this girl named Susan from his campus, I've met her a couple of times in the past and she seems friendly. She isn't in the same career as him but she is in his inner friends circle so that would explain how they connected. _

_I'm doing very well, i think that seeing my friends and being surrounded by them makes me feel very light and i don't know, full. Like that feeling you get when you're high; i suppose you have a few stories you can tell me, about a young Tori, medical school with hippie friends and wearing round sun glasses, getting high every Tuesday behind the sterilized wipes' shelve._

_Tobias and i decided that we will continue with our shameless flirt, and take things slow, because of all what's happened in the past and because of a few things that happened while i was gone. A few things named Nita._

_He spent all his time this week with me and it is a miracle that he isn't here as i write this because we are literally joined at the hip._

_Hope i hear from you and all the staff soon._

_Send my love to Edward, and make sure he answers the call i will be making him this week. I miss him; please tell me how he is doing in your response to this letter._

_Miss you, Tris._

_P.s: i bought the Frozen movie, it makes me think of you. _

_P.s.s: write back soon._

* * *

I watched as Caleb made an attempt of making a PB sandwich using both hands while trying to talk with Cara on the phone which he was dangerously holding between his shoulder and his ear.

"The machine should be angled at 45 , and the tube must be hot, in order for them to mend together perfectly….. Yes, that too ….. Yes, i know, i told David that she should be the one doing the- ….. Okay, i knew that, but don't you think that's a little too pretentious? Ugh i know, she isn't taking this seriously… Yeah, and she thinks the sun comes out of her ass…"

I ignored the rest of his work talk/ gossiping about coworkers, and went to the backyard to see if the sun had decided to come out yet.

Winter was still going strong here and not a trace of sunlight was shining past the gray clouds. Yup, seemed like the normal weather for my hometown.

My snow-covered backyard looked great, to say the least. The thick layer of snow covering what no doubt would be a bunch of fallen leaves, looked hard and soft at the touch.

Bored as i was, i decided to take a walk among the mini forest surrounding my house.

I checked my phone's battery and put on a pair of boots, making my way into the trees.

A few minutes into the coldness of my mini forest made me very conscious of my black leggings and wool sweater attire, deciding that bringing a thick jacket would have been a very wise decision.

Feeling the cold sweeping into my bones, i made up my mind to return to the house, deciding that a very big jacket and a very big and hot cup of chocolate would be the best thing in the world. With all the calmness of the world i made my way to the back door.

So imagine my startled face when i heard Caleb's bloody scream.

I literally jumped out of my cold skin when i saw him standing at the last step of the house, phone still in hand, using the loudest voice he could muster.

So startled that i jumped a little and fell right on my ass. Not before i landed on my bended leg, of course. Because it _just had to happen to me._

My foot got caught on a root, covered in snow that made me slip, and as i fell my leg got twisted underneath me, making all my weight crush it to the ground.

"Oh my god! Beatrice!" my stupid brother said, rushing to my aid.

I hadn't heard my scream yet, but i sure as hell felt it after. My throat constricted and afterwards i felt the pulsing pain on my leg.

"UGHHH! IT HURTS LIKE A MOTHERF-." I screamed behind my clenched teeth.

"Kids?! Caleb what happened?!" i heard Jeanine scream somewhere in the house.

A few painful minutes later, she came rushing out of the house just in time to see me deliver a good slap to Caleb's cheek.

"OW! I didn't mean it! I'm sorry, okay?!" Caleb said, struggling with my weight in his arms

"Oh, good heavens! What in Jesus's name happened?!" said a running Jeanine, holding the heavy door open for us.

"I- i just- i was looking for her, and i thought i head the backdoor close, so i went out to look for her and i screamed her name and i guess she was distracted- she fell- and oh god her leg-" Caleb stammered out, while making his way to the kitchen counter where he carefully put me on. Because, you know, it's not like we have comfy couches or a room upstairs.

"Caleb shut up. It's not that bad now." I said

"Really?" he said. Then proceeded to poke me hard on the thigh and say a triumphant 'see' when i emitted a pained yelp.

"Okay, stop." Jeanine said, while putting herself between Caleb and mine's battling arms. "Does it really hurt?" she asked me.

"Right now, i feel a dull pain, and like a throbbing, but I'm not sure if i can walk."

"Do you think you might have pulled something?" Caleb asked, grabbing my leg and slowly bending it.

"I don't know. Ow, don't do that." I slapped a hand on his arm to stop him from making any movements with my injured leg.

"Maybe we should take her to the hospital, Caleb." said Jeanine with concern.

"You think? Should we call dad?" he said

"Uhhhh, tasty Tris for lunch, i see." said a new voice from the kitchen's entrance.

"Just what i have been craving for days now." said another familiar voice

Tobias, Zeke and Uriah walked through the kitchen to stand right next to us, all with curious looks.

"So, what happened here?" Zeke said

"I fell."

"She was walking from the back to here and i startled her, her foot got caught on a root and she fell. She landed on her leg and now she can't move." explained Caleb

"You are a dumbass." said a laughing Uriah to me.

"Shut up. Why are you here?"

"Well obviously there wasn't anything to do so i thought that we should hang out. When i was on my way out these two attacked me and got into my car. And we ended up here." Tobias said, the poked my leg with a finger. "Does it hurt?"

"Yes. That's why i haven't gotten up from here."

"Do you have anything to drink?" said Uriah to Jeanine.

"We were thinking on taking her to the hospital." said Jeanine, while opening the fridge's door.

"Okay, then we're coming with you." Zeke said

"Yeah, there's nothing better to do." Uriah said while walking closer to a still searching Jeanine.

"Okay, thanks guys. Even though you're here out of boredom." I said trying to swat Tobias' poking hands away from my body.

"There's some lemonade. Do you want- I'm not even going to bother on asking. You always eat and drink everything i give you." Jeanine said, while getting the lemonade jar out of the fridge.

"Can i have some too?" said Caleb.

"Me three." said a smirking Zeke, knowing what was coming.

"Me four." said an equally smirking Four, while i groaned in the background.

* * *

After we arrived at the hospital, prevented a fight between Zeke and Uriah that involved a wheelchair in the ER, prying a curious Caleb away from a harassed nurse, and entertained a very hungry Tobias with the vending machine, the doctor explained that i had in fact pulled a muscle.

"_Muscle strain refers to damage to a muscle or its attaching tendons. You can put undue pressure on muscles during the course of normal daily activities, with sudden heavy lifting, during sports, or while performing work tasks. In your case, a heavy amount of pressure due to a fall. The tearing of the muscle can also damage small blood vessels, causing local bleeding, or bruising, and pain caused by irritation of the nerve endings in the area."_

In short, i just pulled a muscle. I got send home with indications of putting an ice compress to my injured leg, where the muscle was pulled, a white and very cold ointment to swipe onto my leg (_"Hehehehe,__** ointment**__.__" _Uriah had said) and a very yummy grape lollipop.

So my trip to the ER had been kind of fun, with the exception of a very anxious call from dad, and it only could have ended better with my favorite duo of brothers doing a 'cheer up Tris' dance, while me and Tobias laughed from my bed.

So, yeah. The ER can be fun.


	10. 6 4 10

**Hey! Ailin here! I'm really happy with this chapter. If i dare to say, i think it is my favorite one until now. Enjoy and don't forget to review. Please :)**

* * *

A few days passed and i realized that having an injured muscle wasn't as bad as i thought it would be.

For one, Caleb felt incredibly guilty so i milked that feeling as much as i could and made him my bitch several times a day. Then, Jeanine pretty much pampered me with everything i wanted and she almost broke her wrist mixing cookie dough the other day, so she got extra points for effort. The downside of all of this is that my dad doesn't stop making his daily calls, so that gets on my nerves a lot.

My friends cheer me up so much though, that sometimes i feel that my stomach is going to burst due to so much laughter.

Tobias was coming to pick me up today, because he was finally going to show me his new apartment, which i was pretty excited to see since he told me he moved out the Montenegro building, and we would hang out all afternoon.

_From: Marlene _

_To: Tris_

_Seriously, don't bang him yet. What if you pull another muscle with all the exercise you will be doing?_

_From: Tris_

_To: Marlene_

_I don't know which one of you wrote this, but do know that I'm not going to bang him. Like, anytime soon. So, please, take note of that. Both of you._

_From: Marlene_

_To: Tris_

_It was Christina. I believe you._

_From: Marlene_

_To: Tris_

_But i don't. I know what you horny little bastards do on you free time._

_From: Marlene_

_To: Tris_

_Wear protection. _

_From: Tris_

_To: Marlene _

_Seriously, stop texting from Marlene's phone. I hate you._

_From: Marlene_

_To: Tris_

_I can't you bitch. Remember my phone was totally unfairly taken from me?_

_From: Tris_

_To: Marlene_

_Serves you right for taking your mom's credit card. _

_From: Marlene_

_To: Tris_

_When you see the killer pair of shoes i got, you'll understand._

_From: Tris_

_To: Marlene_

_Got to go. He's here. Bye babes._

I blocked my screen when i heard the familiar horn of his BMW. I carefully got up and started down the stairs, while i screamed at Jeanine that i was leaving.

Just when i was two steps away from the floor my front door opened and the beautiful all-in-black man who i knew all too well was passing my threshold.

"Whoa there gorgeous. Let me help you." He said walking towards me and guiding me down the missing steps.

"Seriously, I'm not made of glass; i can walk down a couple steps." I said, while continuing to walk with him towards outside.

"How about walk up a couple steps?" he asked while closing the door behind us, and with a soft grunt, swiftly grabbing me by the waist, passing me down the three steps to the driveway, my feet never touching the floor until i was standing at the door of his dark blue shiny car. "Think you can manage that? Because i have a long staircase waiting for you at my apartment."

"Ummm, we'll see." I said buckling up my seatbelt, now inside the car. He chuckled quietly, his hands on the steering wheel and staring at me with amusement. "Do you plan on getting this car on anytime soon?"

He scoffed lightly and turned the engine on. "So bossy."

We talked and listened to the radio all the way to his place, a good 20 minutes away from mine. We joked and teased and i had the tingling feeling again and the damn butterflies in my stomach didn't seem to calm, even less when he looked at me.

When we arrived, i saw that he lived in a hotely kind of apartment. The building was very shiny and glossy, the black walls glinting clean; the parking lot was semi-full, and he explained to me that every owner had a right of two car spaces. He drove us to his parking place, not very far from the building entrance, all the way joking around and so into each other that we failed to see the familiar sleek black car parked on his other spot.

He grabbed my hand and guided me to the entrance, and i burst out laughing when i saw the _very long staircase _i had to go up in order to enter the crystal double doors. It consisted of three wide marble steps.

"See? I told you it was long. I better help you going onto this monstrosity." He said while again, grabbing my waist and hoisting me up the three steps.

I laughed and waved back at the door man, once we were inside, who opened the door for us. Tobias made a bee-line for the elevator, barely letting me see the interior of the glossy building. The furniture looked very comfy and was very bright, everything made out of a black and white pattern.

"Oh, i better help you into the elevator too. Who knows what might happen if you do it all on your own." He said grabbing me **again** by the waist, but this time his chest was pushed flush against mine, and the point of my feet brushed against the carpeted floors of the elevator.

I laughed and faintly blushed at the closeness. He set me down, and pushed a silver button which had the number 6 on its center.

"I picked the number because of you." He said a bit uncomfortable, after a few seconds of silence, gesturing at the silver button.

"Oh. Umm, thanks." I said sheepishly

I had gotten the nickname six, when i was 14. We were at the movies and some guy decided that he had a right to grab my ass, so i delivered 6 rapid punches on him before he fell flat on his face. Zeke swears that i did it all on 6 seconds too, but no body checked time so one can only wonder. The nickname started as 6-punches-girl, but with time it was shortened to 6. And it had been a while since anyone had called me that.

He did _that _thing, when he looks at me, eyes shining and every cliché eye description on the world, hands on jean pockets and shoulders hunched, and a soft chuckle emitting from his recently-wetted lips. I barely contained a sigh.

The doors tinged and he helped me out, while blindly looking for the key in his jacket.

He guided me to his apartment, which i amusedly noticed was number 4, and patiently waited until he got the key out.

He unlocked the door and suddenly hoisted me up, one arm behind my legs and the other supporting my back, and walked us inside. I could only shriek with surprise and hold onto his neck while he laughed. "I'm not taking any chances today, Tris."

He kicked the door closed and put me on my feet a few steps inside. I didn't last long on the floor as i jumped on him once i heard the most frightening bark at my feet.

He started laughing, grabbed his stomach and doubled over as i regained my footing and saw that my attacker was the cutest puppy ever.

"Oh my god! How cute! Aren't you a cute guy? How cute are you? Hiii!" i gushed at the blue eyed bulldog.

He barked at me and licked my hands as i ran them over his soft fur, scratching his little head and smiling like an idiot all the time.

"What's his name?" i asked.

When i didn't get a response i looked up at him from my spot on the floor and noticed that he was dead silent and very rigid.

I followed his eyes and saw the person who i had learned to hate and to be wary of.

Marcus Eaton was standing in front of us, wearing a dark suit, with an equally dark coat and a red scarf around his neck. His hair fell in soft waves around his head and a few strands framed his forehead. His face was set into what could have passed as an indifferent mask but as i said, i knew this man, so i knew he was hiding a bunch of feelings under said mask.

I slowly got up and i saw his eyes snap to mine, curiosity masking his face as his eyes did a scan check on me.

"What are you doing here?" Tobias asked coldly

"Beatrice. I didn't know you were back." Marcus said, ignoring Tobias completely

"Yeah, i got back a few months ago. I must have totally forgot to tell you, because i had you on the 'first person to know' list. You know you are always on my mind Marcus." I said coolly, and i had to mentally pack myself on the back because my voice didn't wager or cracked at the nervousness i was feeling.

I felt Tobias tense at my words and Marcus slowly smirked at me. A snake smirk.

"Always so pleasant, Beatrice." He said indifferently

He turned away from me and looked at Tobias. "I was waiting for you to talk. Robert called me and said that there was a problem with a new partner. As it is in your work area i need you to see to it and fix it. I pay you for your work and i expect you to accomplish it successfully. Do it before this week ends."

"I'll see to it." Tobias said nodding

There was an awkward pause, and then Marcus clasped his hands in front of him. "Well, i see you are rather busy. When you are done with your _friend_, call me."

And then Marcus passed between us, pausing briefly to put a hand on Tobias' stiff shoulder, and then stepping out the door.

"I expect to see an email describing every detail and movement you make Tobias." He threw behind his shoulder.

I turned towards Tobias and saw him gulp down hard and nod quickly, even though his father couldn't see him.

He turned towards me as the door slammed closed. "I'm sorry, i didn't know he was coming. If i knew i woul-"

"But you didn't know. Don't worry your pretty little head about it." i said, bending down to pull the worlds-cutest-puppy-ever into my arms.

He seemed to be satisfied enough with my interruption so he settled for watching me play with the furry angel in my arms, until a few silent seconds later he threw a boyish smile at me and said: "You think I'm pretty?"

A small smile tugged at the corner of my lips and i looked up at him amusedly.

"Yes." I said shortly. "So, before we were so ever rudely interrupted, i asked you what is his name?" i said, gesturing at the dog, who currently was using my fingers as a chewing toy.

"Sir Charles." He said amusedly and a bit embarrassed. "Uriah went through a mute movie phase and was professing his undying love at Charles Chaplin. So his name is Sir Charles." He explained while scratching the puppy's head fondly. "I just call him Charlie, though. Don't i buddy?" he smiled lovingly at the little monster on my arms.

"He's really cute." I said planting a small kiss on Charlie's nose.

"Heard that Charlie? She thinks you're cute. You are a very lucky puppy." He said while taking Charlie's ears and flopping them around.

After much cooing at the puppy, he gave me a very 'Tobias' tour', which apparently is a very special thing. "I just don't go around giving free tours. Just to special ones." He had said. "Are there much of them?" i'd asked while i looked closely at the tiny dolphins in his shower curtain. "Huh?" he asked me. "Special girls, i mean. Who you give free tours." "Why do you assume they are girls?" he chuckled. I laughed and followed him out of the bathroom. And then proceeded to melt inside when he threw over his shoulder: "Just you." He had dimpled.

Finally, after the tour, he led me towards his bedroom. "Suggestive much?" i had laughed.

My eyes zoomed directly on the huge black-covered bed. I ran –as much as i _could_ run, with my injured leg and all- towards it and jumped into it, just as Tobias screamed on the background that he had recently made the bed up.

"Well, you'll do it later." He said, picking Sir Charles up and letting him loose around me on the bed.

"C'mere. Cuddle with good ol' Tris." I said sluggishly, my face smashed into the fluffy covers, patting the empty space surrounding me on the large bed.

"Spooning leads to forking, Tris." He said laughing, but joining me anyway.

He lay besides me, facing me and putting his hand next to mine.

I rolled over, face up, and inspected what my eyes could reach of his bedroom.

Very him, from what i could see. A few book cases lined the white walls, a flat TV screen on the corner, a door to what i could only assume lead to a bathroom, and a hidden corner poked a few sleeves and shoes out so i resumed that was his closet.

The words FEAR GOD ALONE in front of the bed was what called to my attention.

"What dos' that mean?" i muttered, nodding towards the bold letters.

"It means I will not be afraid of anyone else. Nobody can put me down or make me feel less. It means freedom."

"Makes for a great tattoo on my lower back." I said after a few pregnant minutes of silence.

"Hey, that's my quote. Find your own." He said teasingly.

I laughed and rolled onto my side to be at face level with him. "I'll pay you for it." i said while putting my fingers on his face.

He grabbed my hand and trailed my fingers around his face. "Okay." He muttered.

"Besides," he kissed my fingers. "I rather like the one you have." His eyes traced the exposed ravens on my collarbone, while i felt a faint blush raising to my cheeks at the turn the conversation had gotten.

"Really?" i asked while i watched the way his eyes seemed to stroke the feathers of my ravens, and the way his thumb stroked the back of my hand, and the way his lips hadn't stopped kissing my fingers.

"Yeah." He gently pushed my fingers away from his mouth, and trailed his hand up my arm until it was pressing between my shoulder blades, and then tugged me on top of him. "I like these ones too." He murmured while he trailed his hand between my two other tattoos, which rested on each side of my shoulder blades, his other hand rested on my lower back.

"I like yours too." I said while my fingers traced the lines that faintly showed around his neck. "Like, really like it. Maybe you should show it to me, because i might have forgotten what it looks like." I said jokingly, but not entirely.

He chuckled, a sound that resounded deep in his belly which gently shook against my own. "Are you asking me to undress, Tris?"

I laughed and leaned down to press a kiss against his cheek. "Only if you want to." I murmured very quietly against his skin.

He nuzzled my neck for a minute, before he broke apart to watch me, his eyes searching mine.

"I do." He said quietly, as if talking loud would break the spell that seemed to surround us.

My heart stopped a bit at that. Was i really doing this? Was i ready to fall back into him? Rest be damned? The sudden reminder that i was wearing what one might consider a pair of not so seductive panties planted itself on the back of my mind.

My heart regained its beating when he slid his fingers into my hair and muttered: "Just not right now."

I smiled relived and a bit disappointed at him and resumed to lightly tease his nose with my fingertips.

His hand traced lazy and soothing circles on my back and he teased my nose back with the tip of a strand of hair.

"So, 6th floor?" i asked while twitching my nose up at him.

"6th floor." He confirmed while smiling.

"Why?"

"You."

"You told me that as much but, why?"

"When i lived in the Montenegro, you helped me do so much stuff back there. You basically decorated the living room and the office. But… you know, there where… lots of bad memories too… so it seemed right to move out. So i guess i wanted a bit of you here as well. And, i don't know, 6th floor seemed well." He murmured against my fingers.

"Apartment number four, too." I chuckled.

"I can be a bit of a cliché sometimes." He agreed, chuckling too.

"Six and Four." I smiled a little.

"We equal 10." He smiled lovingly at me.

I smiled, and a sudden rush of emotions led me to hide my face against his warm neck.

I don't know how much time passed –his fingers were very soothing- but my freaking bladder had to appear.

"I have to pee." I murmured against his neck.

He laughed and put both hands on my hips, and pushed me up until i was hovering over him.

"I'll be back babe." I leaned down and pecked him on the nose.

I made my way to the bathroom while i heard him mutter to Sir Charles in the background. "You're keeping her company? Good dog. Lucky dog too." And a few seconds later Charlie was running inside the bathroom just in time for me to close the door.

I started doing my business and i heard my phone buzz somewhere around the room.

…

"So, Marlene wants to know if you banged me yet.."


	11. Chapter 11: Angel Eyes

**So... I know it took me a while to update. I'm sorry! I just don't feel good writing when my mom is around. Or when anyone's around. I don't like people trying to see what i write, it makes me nervious.**

**So here. I'm going to start writing next chapter, and i feel like i should edit the first chapters. Though, if I edit them, do the reviews get deleted?**

**Thanks to the guest who answered my question from Tumblr. It makes me excited to see that people _do _follow me on Tumblr. **

**Write your usernames and I'll follow you!**

**That's all. Enjoy this chapter.**

**-Ailin.**

* * *

_I fall._

I fall and all i can see is water.

My vision is obscured by tiny bubbles as I kick to try and reach the surface.

My lungs burn without air, and i find myself gasping for breath, and in the process my mouth opens wide and i swallow a mouthful of ice cold water.

I finally bob my head out of it and gasp for air, sending myself in a coughing fit.

The water is way too cold as it is, and as it mends with the air i feel my ears, eyes and nose sting with coldness.

"-TOLD YOU NOT TO!" I hear Christina shriek as I blindly swim to the edge of the pool.

A laughing Zeke gasps out "are you okay, Tris?"

"You're an asshole!" I cough out.

"Sorry." He giggles as Christina hits his shoulder.

"You shouldn't have done that." She says

"Yeah, you shouldn't attack people from the back Zeke. That was low. Even for you." says Marlene as she sits on the backyard steps.

"I didn't attack her from the back, Marlene! I told you she slipped."

"Yeah, slipped against your hand." she snorted

"It's not my fault she decided to take a nice dive into the freezing waters. Is it, Tris?"

"Has anyone noticed that she's still in the water? Is anybody thinking on getting her out of there?" pointed Lynn out, and in my mind, i thanked her, because nobody was paying attention to my freezing skeleton.

"Working on it." said Four, who had gone into the house to fetch me a towel, as Zeke happily said "Yes, I've noticed, and no. I thought she would make a pretty frozen mermaid when the water finishes turning into ice."

"I'll kick you." Four said to Zeke, as he held out a hand to me.

I was carefully pulled out of the freezing pool by him, and graciously wrapped in a towel.

"There. Better?" he asked

"No. i demand a hot chocolate from you." I said, turning to Zeke.

"Whatever. Suit yourself, but remember i am not known for being a great hot-chocolate maker." He said turning towards his house.

We followed him into the house, Lynn muttering how it wasn't fair we were pestering her around the place and that we couldn't stay put for a bit, and I instantly felt better as the warm air engulfed me.

Marlene went to pat the cheek of a sleeping Uriah, who had dozed off in a couch, and Christina went with a sullen Zeke who was complaining about him being the servant in our group of friends.

"We all know that Uriah is the one we bully into serving us." she replied, as their bickering begun getting muffled by the wall separating the back living room of the kitchen.

"Well, I'm not in the mood for third-wheeling." Lynn said. She turned around and followed the bickering pair into the kitchen.

"And there were two." Tobias said, rocking on his heels.

"Not really." chirped in Marlene, as she sat on the floor next to the couch where her sleeping boyfriend laid. "I'm still here. And even if he's literally dead, Uriah's still here too."

The retort i had, died on my lips as a sneeze rocked my body.

"I think you're about to come down with a cold." said Tobias with a grimace.

He steered me into the bathroom, where he promptly released my ponytail –which was ruined with the heaviness of my hair due to the water- and grabbed the towel from around my body. He rubbed it against my hair, patting it and squishing it to release the dampness, and I placed my hands on his waist.

He massaged my head with the now damp fluffy towel and I released a sigh.

"Feeling good?" he muttered.

"Yes."

He released my head and held the towel in one hand, and with the other he hiked my wet shirt up, until it was above my ribcage. Then he hesitated.

"Can i… i- i think we should take your clothes off. They're wet and they're just going to make you sick."

"It's okay, Tobias. You can fetch me a shirt from Uri's closet while i take 'em off."

"Kay." He turned around and I tuned him out as I began to shed my heavy wet leggings from my equally wet legs.

"Hey. Here. Take this one and I'll grab one of Uri's." Tobias said handing me his gray t-shirt. My eyes roamed on his naked chest as arousal began to pool in my belly.

"uhh- Thanks." I took the dry garment from him as he amusedly smiled at me. "Shut up." I muttered, as I shed my wet shirt off, feeling heat rise to my face.

"I'm not saying anything." He murmured as his eyes scanned me from head to toe, still smiling.

"What? Your turn to stare now?" I said as i turned around and took my socks off

"Yup." He said

I hesitated, as i was just in my underwear. I had to take them off, of course, but in front of him? I turned back to him and caught him staring.

"Uh, can you fetch me some boxers or something? My underw-"

"Uh, yeah. I'll just- yeah." He said lamely, gesturing to the door.

As his back was to me, i smirked.

Then the door opened.

Uriah was sleepily staring at us in confusion, as we stared back at him. He eyed us and then his eyes snapped open at our attire.

"Dude! No sex in the bathroom!" he screamed

"Uriah! We weren- it isn't- we don't- UGH! Get out!" i yelled

"Tris! I told you what mom has said to me and Zeke! What if the counter breaks and you cut-" he babbled, moving his arms widely and gesturing to my scantily dressed body.

"Out!" Tobias demanded. Uriah threw a look at me as Tobias ushered him from the bathroom. I turned back to my business once both were out. A few seconds later Tobias popped his head in "I'll bring you something to wear, err-under. Just hang around in the towel, yeah?" he paused as i heard Uriah mutter something, "And take a warm shower if you can." He smiled a final time and closed the door.

I undressed completely and got into the shower.

The warm water ran against my back and heated up my frozen organs, returning my body heat to normal.

A few minutes into my shower, there was a knock on the door that informed that Christina had been sent with clothes.

She entered and put them on top of the closed toilet seat. "I'll just leave them here."

"Thanks." I said, no bothering to look at her, as my shower really was relaxing.

After a few more minutes, and more than a few happy sighs, i exited the shower and grabbed a dry towel from the hanger.

"So what were you and Four doing here, locked all up?" Christina grinned from her seat on the floor.

I screamed and stared at her with surprise. How could she have managed to be so quiet all this time? "How long have you been here?"

"Uh, i never left." She chuckled

"But i heard the door close!" i said as i began to dry off.

"Yeah, well i wasn't up for everyone walking past here having a shower peep show from you."

"Whatever."

"So, again, what was he doing here?" she grinned again, standing up and leaning against the wall, all cool and stuff.

"He helped me with my clothes."

"What, to get them off?! You little-" she said excitedly

"No! he helped me to dry off my hair, and got me some clothes."

"Boo." She said pouting, as i said "Christina i have to get dressed."

"So? It's not like i haven't seen you before."

"Yeah, because you have no respect for privacy."

"Ugh, Tris." She said throwing her head back and bumping it against the wall.

I laughed as she groaned and rubbed her hand against a sure-swollen-bump. "No, seriously, get out." I grabbed the shirt Tobias had lend me and motioned to her to get out.

"Is that Tob-" she grinned at the shirt, bump forgotten.

"Chris!" i said exasperated.

"Okay! I'm leaving! Gosh, you're such a prude." She said walking towards the door, pausing to give me a knowing smirk, and leaving the room completely.

I got dressed, in a pair of undies from Uriah, yoga pants forgotten by Shauna, and Tobias t-shirt.

I grabbed a brush and combed my tangled hair. I really have to do something about it.

I stare at myself in the mirror and try to identify who my features belong to. I have my father's chin, as well as his bone structure and his dirty blonde hair. But other than that, that's were his features end on me. I am my mother's daughter. I have her crystalline blue eyes, her _angelic _eyes, with freckles of gray around. Her pointy thin nose, her high cheekbones and her lips.

My mother was a beautiful woman. I used to think that i was a very lucky girl, because of all my friend's moms, mine was the prettiest. She sang to me at night, and read books about princess to me. And every time we visited the Amity Park, she would cut flowers and curl them around my ears. She was very pretty, my mom.

Sometimes i think that she was so pretty, that God wanted her with him, so he summoned her from earth and welcomed her on Heaven. Those thoughts make me feel calm about how she left. Tori once told me that placing loved members in happy or calming places, when they parted in an ugly way, was a very positive way of coming to terms with death. So i do that a lot. Or used to.

I sometimes forget that i had her with me, and that she used to be sane and pretty. Because i placed her death in the depths of my dark mind, and i try to not think about how she passed away.

But in times like these, the memory floats back to the top of my thoughts. And i relive her. I feel her in me.

They say when a parent loses a child they feel the child's immortality, but when a child loses a parent, it's the mortality they feel.

So i feel her soul in me. I know I'm quite like her. I sure _look_ like her. But sometimes i feel her in me, because my mother had a beautiful soul. I feel her when i look at my brother and feel the proudest sister in the world, when i see all he accomplishes. I feel her when I'm with my friends, because they make me feel _alive._ I feel her when I'm on my own, when i find myself twisting flowers around my fingers. I still _feel_ my mom.

Because she was the prettiest, the most beautiful mom to me. And i can never forget her. No matter how much therapy my dad pays for, she will always be with me.

When i was at the clinic, i had fear creep up on me every time i remembered her face, but now i feel calm.

She's back in heaven, where she fell off of.

She was an angel, who had the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen, which she passed to me.

She was a fallen beautiful angel.

* * *

I watch from behind the kitchen counter, sipping a warm peppermint tea, how Uriah and Four throw a pleading Zeke into the freezing pool. Christina and Marlene laughing from their place in the couch, wrapped around a blanket.

I smile and chuckle as his head bobs in the surface and complains how _cold _the water is.

As Zeke and a laughing Uriah bicker, Four meets my eyes and smiles charmingly.

Thesemoments are when i feel her.

I feel her in the blush that taints my cheeks, in the look that Christina gives me, and in the familiarity of Lynn's munches behind me, as she eats Hana's cookies.

Here, i feel her with me.

And i feel calm.

I feel calm afterwards too.

When i'm dosing off in Tobias' bed, and he presses a kiss to my forehead and looks into my eyes, and fondly squishes my cheeks.

I feel the most calm when i fall asleep as he mutters against my skin _"My angel eyes."_


	12. Chapter 12

**So... Long time no see!**

**I've ben triying to write this story with as much love i could, but i have to confess that i am not feeling it anymore.**

**I just feel like i am writing for ghosts.**

**It's my first time writing, and i do want to continue this story because this was my baby, this is my first story ever, and it would feel like I'm letting this story down, if i don't coninue. But it is really off-putting when all you have in return is a Review. (Thanks to those who have bothered to leave a comment. Really, i thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have no idea how satisfied the 'Review to Breathe' e-mail makes me feel).**

**So, what am trying to say, is that this may be goodbye. **

**I really hope you have enjoyed this story, because i have.**

**\- Ailin.**

* * *

January 5, 2016.

I watched as Sir Charles' little ears flopped around the air as he ran towards the ball. His little paws hitting the snow with the force of his strides, leaving tiny marks in the white coat.

He reached the vibrant green tennis ball, closed his jaw around it and sprinted back towards me.

"Good boy. Good boy, Sir Charles! Who's a good boy, you are!" i cooed as i scratched behind his ears and fondly rubbed his head. I took the offered ball and threw it once again; making with my mouth the clicking noise Tobias had trained him to respond to.

I watched as he once again took off after the ball.

"I can't believe he's actually engaging in a physical activity right now. I've tried to make him exercise with me the other day and he just wasn't having it. He barely moves from his bed." Tobias commented

"Only to eat." I chuckled

"Only to eat." He agreed

We stayed in a comfortable silence as we fondly watched the puppy sprint toward us, only twice dropping his ball.

It was June 5.

Five days since the New Year started.

The past December had been full of celebrations.

What with Christmas, Lynn's birthday ("It's fate screwing with me. Only i, the most un-holiday-y person, would be born on December 24th."), Tori's birthday and New Year's Eve, the whole month just seemed to be exuding cheerfulness, which had Zeke, Uriah and Christina randomly having what we had labeled as 'December Party Seeking Syndrome'- or DPSS for short-: they threw parties, get-togethers, or randomly appeared inside your house with a cake, balloons and a seemly never ending, suspiciously 'magically spiked' eggnog, which always led to an intoxicated Zeke ("I don't know man. When i get my first cup, it's non-alcoholic. But as the night continues, i just get tipsier and tipsier. I think someone's trying to kill me.") led by an annoyed Shauna into whoever's-house-was-it's bed to sleep the drunkenness of.

I never thought I'd get tired of piñatas, but it seemed that Marlene had achieved that.

Mid December i had received a letter from Tori, which led me then to a trip to my old clinic, with Tobias, Christina and Uriah in town, to visit my old guardian and the few friends i had made there.

When i first set foot inside i felt my throat close up and my chest tightened with the memory of the first time i was there. Of _why _i had been there. The full magnitude of my previous condition hit me full force, and it took Tobias' hands on my waist to remind myself that i was okay. I was okay now and all i had endured before had paid off, because i could visit that place again, in just visit terms. Not as a patient. Because i was okay.

It was worth the mini panic attack, just seeing Dr. Tori Wu's face, as i nocked on her office door.

_Nock Nock._

"_Got time for an old friend?" i asked as she lifted her head and stared at me, before her mouth hanged open and she shot form her chair._

"_Tris! Oh my god!" she hugged me happily. "What are you doing here?"_

"_I thought that with Christmas right around the corner, a visit to my favorite shrink would be in order, right?"_

I, then, proceeded to introduce my friends to her ("Ahhh, Tobias. I've heard _a lot_ from you." "Hey! What happened with doctor-patient secrecy?") and blush prettily when she had the most embarrassing questions for Tobias ("So did you really swam naked on Paradise Lake?").

I visited Edward in his room, and my heart swelled when his face lit up when he saw me.

Edward suffered from schizophrenia, which made him be in a state of limbo, talking to himself and seeming very far away from reality. When i had the opportunity to talk with him, he always told me about his brother. That he was the best, and that he always took care of him when other kids made fun of him. Later on i found out from Tori that his brother had been killed by their dad when they were little, and that Edward never seemed to move on from it. Child services put him in a foster home, but later moved him to the clinic after he tried to commit suicide.

Regardless of all he had endured, Edward was always in a good mood, and he always had a story to tell me. He reminded me of Caleb a little.

I stayed with him until i had to go, and then i made myself a promise that i would see if he could receive a present for Christmas.

He did.

Tori made sure of it.

.

.

New Year's Eve had me with my friends and family all together.

We ate, we drank (under Dad's and Hana's watchful eye), we danced. All of it.

Then the countdown began.

"10"

Everyone huddled up together to count down to the TV's _'From Times Square' _countdown.

"9"

I watched as Hana gave each of her boys kisses and hugs and smiled so big at them that Zeke tugged at her face.

"8"

Shauna, Lynn, and their little brother Hector pointed and laughed at the little man in red, doing funny faces in the tv.

"7"

Christina and Will, who finally made an appearance from university in Boston, smiled sweetly at each other.

"6"

My Dad made a worried face at his phone, as Caleb's call went to voicemail once again.

Jeanine tugged him closer to us.

"5"

Marlene and Uriah wrapped their arms around each other and smiled lovingly at each other.

Shauna huddled closer to Zeke, who wrapped an arm around her and the other around his mother.

"4"

Lynn, showing a rare moment of affection and humanity, hugged Hector close and rested her chin on his head, giving me a rare smile when she catch me looking.

"3"

"i hope this year is unforgettable for you, my love." My dad whispered in my ear.

I hugged him and smiled against his chest. All was well.

"2"

I looked at every single one of my people, and could not see a single frown in the room.

My dad released me with a subtle nod at the only missing person in the room.

"1"

Tobias enclosed me in his arms and kissed my hair.

"Te amo" he murmured in my ear

Everyone held their breath.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

Everyone cheered and celebrated to the sounds of the TV and Mexican mariachi music that blasted from Hana's stereo, no doubt an acquirement of Uriah's.

I smiled fondly at the, no doubt, only man for me.

"I love you too." I whispered as our lips _finaly _touched.

Happy New Year, indeed.

.

.

"You ready to go? He's tired." Tobias said, gesturing to the gasping Charlie in his arms.

"Yeah. Come on."

"You okay? You zoned out for quite a while there." He said studying my face.

"Yeah. I'm okay." I smiled at him, taking his offered hand.


End file.
